Posted in Uncategorized

The string.

Push and pull.. the string.

you control the distance;

you control who stays and who don’t;

you pull it backward to permit few to be close..

not close enough to hurt; to see the scars; to reveal the secret.

you lock them away ( or maybe yourself ) in the safe zone.

Nobody can / will cross the line;

And if someone did ! “even if its unintentionally”; you push it strongly forward to the farthest it can be;

You know you need some of them around; You pull it back and when you feel the danger .. the string becomes in its loosest forms.

You know you are building your wall so high that no one can climb it.

Posted in Uncategorized

The right to live.

it’s a scar that will leave a mark forever;

we won’t ever get over it,

its a wound that will never be healed, not even by time.

Sickness is weakness.

you cannot control it.

you follow doctors rules; you take pills; you eat healthy food and no matter what yo do, all of a sudden you find yourself standing over there fighting for your right to live, trying to control something already out of control; you keep fighting to have one more breath, to take as much as you can from life,

The right to live.

sickness leaves you disabled.

it takes away your power.

it leaves you scared. living everyday with the fear of how soon will be the goodbye.

it leaves you with bad memories. it makes you feel pain; physically and mentally.


The right to live.

Sickness is the road to death.

Death is not OK.

it’s painful.

it’s betrayal.

it’s the only fact on earth.


Posted in Uncategorized

why can’t we be forever young ?!

I don’t wanna leave them..

why is it impossible to pause ..

let time stops here where we are all together happy still looking good with our pure warm hearts..

when changes take place coldness fill hearts; distances get longer ..

what was there will never be here again no matter what ..

why can’t everyone just keep their roles ?!.. they are still going to be on the top, taking care of everything ..still taking care of us; and our roles will remain always their cute lil children who love them and always willing to be under their feet to do anything for them..

and it won’t be enough compared to all the sacrifices they did;

I just can’t picture them in any state but strong as they’ve always been.

There has to be a way to stop time .. to stop everything from moving on.. why can’t everything just standstill ?

why can’t we be forever young ?!

we will grow old and they will too. our roles will grow ..

changes will take place in our lives and what we have right now “our present” will become our future’s past .. our now will become a memory a very beautiful one ..

let us just hope this “present” will last longer than we could even expect.

Posted in 2013, quotes, thoughts

after all, who are you?!


the women quotes


i don’t wanna get to this point of my life; looking backwards regretting everything, feeling unsatisfied

just like Mary at “The Women” movie when she found out at certain time she is nothing, and her busy life being a wife/mom have turned her old big dreams away, well she was lucky that she was able to accomplish her mission & changed when she woke up from her nightmare (past),, but who says its a rule and whenever you wake up you will be able to do whatever you want, i think we should watch our steps from the beginnings, every step, every choice we take build a part of our future

every time i see this movie i ask myself “what about you?” “what do i want?” , sometimes you live life just for others and you forget about yourself and your dream at this moment exactly i wonder how many lives do i have exactly not to grab any opportunity and fulfill my dreams

i don’t wanna have this “Mary” life the careless women the mother and the wife ,, am totally not ready for this; i am ready to spend every minute of my life as i want not under the control of any other circumstances

Posted in 2013, Diary, memories, thoughts

The reflex action

Everyone knows that for every action there is a reaction.

But there is not a rule which states that for this certain “action” there has to be this certain “reaction”; this rule doesn’t exist

The reaction is just a very spontaneous reflection which comes out according to what we’ve just heard or seen; it depends on the situation & the surrounding circumstances

When they try to capture this ‘reaction’ moment in movies they use stereotyping,

The majority is using the same basic idea for a ‘reaction’, for example in any of the movies if it happened &there was a death scene usually they tend to use the same ‘reaction’; the one who have just heard the bad news or saw someone dead they start crying and shouting hysterically without even giving time to this character to think about what they have just heard or seen

I’m not saying it happens in all movies but most of them tend to use stereotyping;

Yes this hysterical ‘reactions’ happen in real life but it’s not the only one,

For me I have never imagined myself in similar situations, never thought of what will happen if I was told that anybody I know is dead & as I used to think of myself as a weak person  – I always had this perception of me – falling, crying hysterically .

But when it did happen & I was told that my uncle was dead, I was surprised really surprised of my “reaction”; my family and my uncle used to live in the same building two floors away, so I used to see him a lot, when he got sick and moved to the hospital it was only couple of days then at one day we had this phone call saying its emergency you have to be at the hospital now, it was 9:00 am so my parents left & I was all alone after 2 or 3 hrs I found a cousin standing at our door, ringing the bell, I opened the door, asked her how is uncle and she replied with very low voice as if she was whispering, she was too reluctant to talk then she said it out loud “ your uncle is dead now, pray for him”; here comes the surprise, all what I did is standing with an open mouth for seconds and that’s it, no crying, no screaming, nothing of these things that we are used to, just sat down thinking of what she just said & the crying thing came afterwards at night when we were with his family after the funeral.

the same thing happened to me again in 2009,it was my first year at college & I was in the middle of my exams, when we had this shocking news; we knew my father had colon cancer, it’s diff. the way you used to deal with the word “cancer” all your life, feel sorry for these people who have it, it’s totally diff. when you have it in your own home & it happens to choose the most important person in your life, the same ‘reaction’ happened .. No crying, no screaming, no extreme attitude; all what happened is that I was under the shock, it felt like “everything is under control but actually it is not “I remained in this shock until the operation day.

At this point exactly everything was turned upside down, at first I walked into the hospital holding his hand calm and quiet, it was fine until the moment that I saw him on the troll in that blue shirt to be ready for the surgery, I burst out with tears, was crying like I have never cried before, thankfully he had the surgery done and he is fine now.

So I think I am one of those who remain under the shock for a while & then starts to realize how big the situation is & it turns out that I’m not that weak girl who will fall down the moment she hears anything bad, no I am not like the stereotyping character in movies not at all.

In fact I don’t even know whether this is good or not ??!