Posted in current events, Diary, facts, thoughts, travel

God’s plan for me…


I am not a religious person; not religious enough to be honest but i do believe in God and i do believe in his plan..
through my entire life which is not that long btw ( 20 something years ) I have witnessed how can we plan for something and pray for it really hard but then luckily it doesn’t happen the way you wanted because of two things whether it was really bad to you won’t help you getting any better or otherwise God has already planned for something way better ..
And am here not saying just words; writing poetry on God’s will but i have lived some situations that are a living proof of the :” better plan ” ..

let me just state some; as a matter of gratefulness to God and reminding myself as well that the current plan am asking for might be good and i’ll have it one day if not then yes i believe the best is yet to come – again not living in an ivory tower or being overly optimistic – ..

these better plans were made clear enough in my career and my personal life..
Starting with the personal one..
let me just state a fact that i am not that good when it comes to relationships; inexperienced maybe ! `not lucky enough maybe ! haven’t met the right one until now definitely .. but still the fact is am not that expert in dealing with men when it has something to do with emotions / feelings / love n bla bla

So as we stated this fact – that am not really proud of – i got used to fall for the wrong ones / the fucked up ones mostly..
and eventually i take decisions or start to have dreams and plan for something with each and everyone and the scenario starts like this :
” We talk, someone shows he care, I do as well then i have this question : ” how come you are single ? you are just awesome ” then i start to really like how is it going and how the curve of probability of having something real is getting higher; then i show do care a lot; like a lot and stating one more fact as am an expert in this are believe me 😀 men don’t like how much you do care about them; don’t show them you are really into them at the beginning cause once they felt that they run away and don’t ask honestly i don’t have a freakin’ idea why ..
so continuing the scenario I care they run away.. so am still trying to figure out what happens between ” You are just awesome & complete ignorance ”
then at this point i have already reached the spot where i really got used to talking to this guy like each and every day if not every hour / minute .. and let me just say this am not the one who triggers these conversations at the beginning so its you how took us there..
anyway as i am already choosing to be with the completely wrong ones since the beginning ignoring each and every fact that might ruin this whole thing; sometimes ignoring the fact that we won’t get along with each other for so many freakin’ reasons;
So after planning every time and having a little piece of me going away getting harder and unbreakable killing my heart more to stop falling again and never repeating the scenario

God shows me his plan; he shows me why he hasn’t approved my prayers; masks start to fall and i see the ugly face of these people; their intentions and what exactly could have happened if we took one step forward
God shows me the truth of the person who tried to break me; who wanted to take me just as another antique at his home and a lot more;
so every time am about to doubt ” God aren’t you hearing my prayers ?! and if you do then why aren’t you approving them ” just before i doubt he reveals the answer..

and for that am grateful; yes thank you i believe in your better plan even if i have been broken several times; I know you’ll make it up for me one day;
and i know that you see am still not ready enough to be in the life time relationship so you are preparing me well to it; learning step by step..

Coming to God’s plan in my career life; i am overwhelmed seriously;
as Liz Gilbert said in Eat Pray Love : ” Am a big fan of your work ”
yes I am actually..
just have a look on how is preparing me to each and every step..
considering the fact of a graduate who hasn’t dealt with real life situations enough; inexperienced; been the star of the house so i had everything i needed when i ask; never worked for something that hard; not responsible and committed enough

So i started work in a place where I learned how to deal with people and God was kind enough to put in a place with nice / helpful people at the beginning so i don’t freak out; cause if they weren’t i would have hated work and might have quit as well and never be back again..
then he gave me opportunity to move to a better place where it came a bit tougher; I have learned responsibility and complete full commitment; along with the toughness I had the nicest people around ever starting from colleagues to my assistants and my manager – which wasn’t expected – i swear the nicest ever and we are friends until now even after one year from leaving this work place..
moving to the next step; having already learned being responsible and committed; i moved to a place with less toughness a lower quality so i was like a big fish in a small pond but that helped in making me shine in the place; helping me to deal with different situations a complicated ones as they were already handling these complicated cases to me to solve
doing my job and extra ones cause they know the quality of my work and how i could get it done in 3 minutes literally;
achieving my target in staying for a workplace a bit longer than the past ones that helped me in learning to overcome my fear of routine; yes i still hate it but i gt used to it
i used to be a person who can’t keep friends; can’t keep work because i simply can’t handle dealing with people or dealing in situation for long time.. its just not me; and this wasn’t good i know; knowing that this won’t help me getting any better in my future; if i want to live a life full with success and people around i needed to learn how to stay and stop running away if something is getting closer to me;
Thanks to you God again for turning me to a better person; a better version of me;

Now because of this path; because of what i have been through; and having the ability to figure our=t what i really want in my career and what i don’t; refusing offers that sounded really good to anyone but me; God has gave me the gift of having what i want finally;
working in something i really like; getting the chance of having closer look on my favorite process on earth which is traveling; i wouldn’t have been accepted if haven’t passed through all these steps; meeting all these people getting to know different personalities; having the experience of what to say, what not to and when.. that’s a blessing

I believe in you God; I believe in your plan..
Thank you :)))

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What matters is to show up; only show up.


Life keeps unstoppably teaching us lessons; and one of the most recent ones I have learned was knowing the importance of showing up no matter what happened. Show Up.

Show up for the people you love.

Show up in every occasion if possible; people are respecting you enough to share important moments of their lives with you; don’t shut them off & turn your back to their invitations.

Show up because you care.

Show up because you can.

Show up because you are still alive; create a memory that lasts in your mind & in people’s one too.

– When in to comes to an end; when each & every one of us leaves this earth our bodies will fade but what will only remain is the warmth of our souls; the softness of our words; our presence back then when we had the chance; that’s the only thing that will remain the memories & moments you shared with people; that’s how you’ll be remembered & that’s how your name will live forever.

Create your own moments when you have the chance.

Show up in people’s precious moments the saddest before the happiest.

Be there for people in your life. – if you don’t please don’t expect anybody to be there for you in return anytime -.

I have learned lately to stop making excuses; I used to live in my own world; not caring that much to the importance of people around;

but then i realized that part of having a really good life is to be there whenever possible.

I used to ignore most of the outings with friends because am too happy having other stuff to do it my way; but taking a look back i noticed how disrespectful is that; why would I keep people away;

And on the other side; I have learned that no matter how much I hate a person; disregarding too many facts you have to be there in the saddest moments even if you hate this person. you still have to show up.

It matters.

Because you never wanna end as a reaction not the action itself. Showing up is good.

So be good.

that’s what life taught me; Be good; Show up, It really really matters.

 

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About time..


I’ve been newly introduced to this incredible fascinating movie ” About time..”

I’ve always had this thought about time travel..

“What if’ only wander if you can go back in time to live your favorite moments again; not only live them but stop them from going; i would stay in my favorite period of time forever; Why would i risk it & leave it behind to see the future ?! yea the future may be prettier but what if turns out not to be that pretty as what i had before ? then what happen ?!

The same exact thought i have about people who say ” Don’t be afraid to fall in love; you never know it may work ?! again what if it didn’t ?! then what ? are you going to heal the wounds ? are you going to fix it ? the only one who will take the pain is the one who did it risk; yea you might & i say MIGHT get the biscuit but who knows after all ?!

you may get the feeling of insecurity in my words but that’s how i feel about the whole Life thing; you never know if you are going to have what you have now in the next following moment..

yes i love being a risk taker but at the same time i try to avoid the bitterness of loss; losing people, losing things, losing the meaning of your life & last but not least losing hope.

Only imagine..

What if you have the opportunity to re-live your past or lets not get so vague.. what about re-living some moments that you really really want to have again?

Oh dear God, i can only think about how fast can my heart beats go.. i can think of the consequences of such miracle if it has genuinely happened;

The movie has just awaken these kind of dreams inside me; as if someone has just dipped his finger deeply in your wound & never took it back;

am not only grieving about the past; am worried to death about the present; by the tik-toks of a clock my present vanishes & its replaced by the unknown; yes we’ll manage to deal with it; but it will torn another piece of the heart as it goes away;

you know i can’t get out of here with the best advise; because i actually don’t know it; am asking for one;

but the thing is the movie has just stressed on a fact that away from miracles & dreams of time traveling; we still have moments to live; we still have the opportunity to tighten the gap in our intervals & enjoy the moment;

we still have the opportunity to look deeply on the face of people we love; may it s the last time; maybe not but you’ll certainly save your details in your memory; and whenever its needed you’ll just recall it; that’s the best that we can do.. RECALL.

so to do this recall thing perfectly you’ll have to live fully in each and every moment doing what you love with the people you admire the most;

what we need to do is to learn how to appreciate what we have;

Don’t take things for granted;

leave a mark; be there for your people; keep them in as well; build your connection real tight that’s how a life is made; and that’s memories are created;

People & you will live forever not to the last day of your life but your story will be there alive to the last day of the last person you had a connection with;

Recall their memory; let them live;

Be Alive.

I do really want to thank whomever worked on this movie; it says a lot; if was able to describe what i feel about time/ time traveling and this concept the overall idea i wouldn’t have described it better.

it showed me make it clear to my eyes how hard is it to decide; How hard it was when he had to choose between his newly born kid & his father; choosing between the past & the future; when can be the one so sure of anything to take such a decision ? how ? will i ever be able to choose & be so certain & definite about something ? will i ever be able to decide without hesitation & never look back; no regrets but at least imagining what if i went for the alternative ?!

one of the great lessons in the film as well was that whatever power you have; fate will always exist; you will never be able to fix everything by your own; some stuff need to take care of itself; some unfinished business will be done & not fully done by you; yes you may use your power but the universe will interfere in a way or another; just to let things fall into the right place;

And not to forget the sense of devotion declared in the film; you may need to add devotion to your daily routine, sit back & watch the difference in your life,

Again thanks to the filmmakers; brilliant job; i’m definitely watching it over & over again; and i advise you too as well – whoever is reading this – watch the movie 🙂

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The string.


Push and pull.. the string.

you control the distance;

you control who stays and who don’t;

you pull it backward to permit few to be close..

not close enough to hurt; to see the scars; to reveal the secret.

you lock them away ( or maybe yourself ) in the safe zone.

Nobody can / will cross the line;

And if someone did ! “even if its unintentionally”; you push it strongly forward to the farthest it can be;

You know you need some of them around; You pull it back and when you feel the danger .. the string becomes in its loosest forms.

You know you are building your wall so high that no one can climb it.

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why can’t we be forever young ?!


I don’t wanna leave them..

why is it impossible to pause ..

let time stops here where we are all together happy still looking good with our pure warm hearts..

when changes take place coldness fill hearts; distances get longer ..

what was there will never be here again no matter what ..

why can’t everyone just keep their roles ?!.. they are still going to be on the top, taking care of everything ..still taking care of us; and our roles will remain always their cute lil children who love them and always willing to be under their feet to do anything for them..

and it won’t be enough compared to all the sacrifices they did;

I just can’t picture them in any state but strong as they’ve always been.

There has to be a way to stop time .. to stop everything from moving on.. why can’t everything just standstill ?

why can’t we be forever young ?!

we will grow old and they will too. our roles will grow ..

changes will take place in our lives and what we have right now “our present” will become our future’s past .. our now will become a memory a very beautiful one ..

let us just hope this “present” will last longer than we could even expect.

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the challenge is you still do whatever..


every single one of us have some point in his/her life where we need to spice our life’s a bit, add some extras w]that would give our life a meaning, a meaning that would eventually defines us and our way of living,

challenges do so.. when you go for a challenge , when you set one and be determined and strong enough to accept it, thats a good start but the actual challenge is to keep moving until you reach the end successfully, the actual challenge is to finish what you have just decided to start.

in other words, some of us lose power along the road, some get tired, give up, forgot at some point why they have started this challenge from the first place, we sometimes reach a point where you start asking yourself ” is it really worthy? ” ” why am i doing so & so ? ” , we do not wanna keep fighting to reach the end line. we do want to have whatever we want easily without even a sweat drop.

you’ll never be satisfied or happy if never finished what you started, you may feel you are running out of your energy, but this means that you were fighting so do not let some moments stop you from moving forward , a step closer towards your success,

whenever you feel that you are about to give up, stay away from everything take a deep breath and take couple of minutes to remember why exactly you said before ” challenge accepted” , remember why you wanted to start this from the first place, write down the “WHY’s ” , write down what motivates you, if its not about motivation , if you are running away from something write down what is this particular thing, remind yourself of the main reasons, close your eyes and picture yourself twice , a one big picture when you made it to success and another picture with you giving up not giving yourself the chance to prove itself,

picture yourself in both situations and see where exactly will you feel satisfaction and fulfillment, 

lose yourself between your thoughts towards success , as i have just read ” “To lose yourself: a voluptuous surrender, lost in your arms, lost to the world, utterly immersed in what is present so that its surroundings fade away … to be lost is to be fully present, and to be fully present is to be capable of being in uncertainty and mystery.” ― Rebecca Solnit, A Field Guide to Getting Lost

don’t let the surroundings affect your decision, don’t let anybody take control over your life, be determined, draw your line and be unique,

walk in an endless motion towards your dream, fulfill your needs to be what you want, don’t think of what people might say about what you are doing, ignore people because nobody will want you to be a better person than yourself, don’t ask for help be independent and strong enough in a position where you are the one who is providing people with help,

you are responsible for your own masterpiece, accept the challenge and keep moving , use the power of positive thinking.  WALK THE LINE till the end.

 

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#She 2


she is in a stage where u can call it upgrading/ evolution or any word that carries the same meaning

she is learning and she is changing 

she is learning how to deal with new situations with diff. people

she is learning to accept changes rapidly

she is learning how adapt with them

she has a lot to take at one time;

she is trying to slow down to understand

she is slowing down because she is new to everything in her life

whole new situations which she never experienced before

she is slowing down because she is afraid  to lose what she gained 

all what she need is to have time to re-set her rules

re-set her mood; her routine

she need to evaluate the last couple of months in her life

she knows writing would help

and thats what she started doing

she agreed with herself on slowing down just to have time to do the right action at the right time

she don’t want to mess up again

she reached a point where she got all what she asked for kind of stability but she is still working hard and praying for this stage to stay as long as it can be

the only thing she is aiming for now is to win the challenge that she accepted months ago

she said she can & she will do whatever she wants but she sometimes realize how big & hard the situation is

she is in really huge challenge and thats why she is always afraid to lose or to do it wrong

her biggest fear is to give up; she is not a quitter and she totally refuses to be a one 

weak and not able to complete what she started before

she think of every step before implementing it bec. of the fear of not being able to finish what she begun ..

 

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#She 1


she is too weak to resist your effect.

She was just shaking hands and when you pulled her close, hold her hand strong between yours, She realized how weak she is

when you pulled her close to you and your face was in front of hers, your eyes were looking right into hers, She knew she won’t be able to look into your eyes

she didn’t, she was too confused and somehow irritated because you made it clear how weak she is when you did this, She is not used to face this truth.

when you pulled her close, and you were talking to her general, random talk, she was doing everything possible to get out of this situation,

even the way she kept thinking  days ago of how she will present to you what she wanted  to say, it all disappeared and evaporated when you took your surprising move,

She was running away,

You confused her.

She know there is nothing from you or nothing will be between you and her, but although she know that; she was hoping of a longer time of this weird holding thing;

you showed her the point of weaknesses,

she always said that even if she faced a similar situation it would be nothing because she know how to deal and handle it

but you showed her she can’t

she need to know how to resist

the facts concluded from this situation is that she is weak, she need to learn how not to be , she felt good when you did so but at the same time she was lost.

Posted in 2013, Diary, thoughts

People in phases


Well from the very little experience I had in this life I could summarize people and their attitudes in life into 3 categories/phases.

Phase ǀ : denial

Phase ǁ : adaptation

Phase ǀǀǀ : leading

Those who live in the denial phase still do not want to believe that change had happened, they don’t accept the fact that their “usual” has become “exceptional” ; their surroundings has changed, their balance has been disturbed; whether because of some of their friends/family/relatives/..etc has left/moved/changed to the worse or because of their inability to adapt with the new ”technological” world, they might be denying the fact that relations mostly nowadays depend on interests/benefits only; and mainly people in this phase refuse to get away from customs and traditions they are strict to their rules.

On the other hand, people in second one the adaptation phase might have a slight difference from the denial one; as they had fought, tried & their experience led to their capability, willingness to adapt & change, they have learned the lesson, they can deal with technology, understood that people may know you just for their benefits but you gotta keep them around, learned to step forward; to throw everything behind their back unlike those in the 1st phase they are stuck in the past.

The last phase “the leading phase”; in a proper order it is the first, they are the change makers, they are on the top of the pyramid and the rest are followers; whether they are the ones who created technology or the first to use it, they aren’t scared to try, able to change for better or for worse just to reach their destiny/position, they are motivators for some followers mainly for those in the second phase; but sometimes they are the monster/nightmares for those in phase 1 as they consider them the ones who created the change, the ones who turned life upside down; they invaded the world with new thoughts/rules/traditions they are not willing to be controlled over by some stupid old rules from the past, they create their own world and followers keep trying to have the same

I believe there is another kind don’t belong to any of those which is the mix between the 3 , they are stuck in the past, willing to change and creating their own unique world but they are not followers; I think I belong to this type

Where do you belong ??