Posted in Uncategorized

About time..

I’ve been newly introduced to this incredible fascinating movie ” About time..”

I’ve always had this thought about time travel..

“What if’ only wander if you can go back in time to live your favorite moments again; not only live them but stop them from going; i would stay in my favorite period of time forever; Why would i risk it & leave it behind to see the future ?! yea the future may be prettier but what if turns out not to be that pretty as what i had before ? then what happen ?!

The same exact thought i have about people who say ” Don’t be afraid to fall in love; you never know it may work ?! again what if it didn’t ?! then what ? are you going to heal the wounds ? are you going to fix it ? the only one who will take the pain is the one who did it risk; yea you might & i say MIGHT get the biscuit but who knows after all ?!

you may get the feeling of insecurity in my words but that’s how i feel about the whole Life thing; you never know if you are going to have what you have now in the next following moment..

yes i love being a risk taker but at the same time i try to avoid the bitterness of loss; losing people, losing things, losing the meaning of your life & last but not least losing hope.

Only imagine..

What if you have the opportunity to re-live your past or lets not get so vague.. what about re-living some moments that you really really want to have again?

Oh dear God, i can only think about how fast can my heart beats go.. i can think of the consequences of such miracle if it has genuinely happened;

The movie has just awaken these kind of dreams inside me; as if someone has just dipped his finger deeply in your wound & never took it back;

am not only grieving about the past; am worried to death about the present; by the tik-toks of a clock my present vanishes & its replaced by the unknown; yes we’ll manage to deal with it; but it will torn another piece of the heart as it goes away;

you know i can’t get out of here with the best advise; because i actually don’t know it; am asking for one;

but the thing is the movie has just stressed on a fact that away from miracles & dreams of time traveling; we still have moments to live; we still have the opportunity to tighten the gap in our intervals & enjoy the moment;

we still have the opportunity to look deeply on the face of people we love; may it s the last time; maybe not but you’ll certainly save your details in your memory; and whenever its needed you’ll just recall it; that’s the best that we can do.. RECALL.

so to do this recall thing perfectly you’ll have to live fully in each and every moment doing what you love with the people you admire the most;

what we need to do is to learn how to appreciate what we have;

Don’t take things for granted;

leave a mark; be there for your people; keep them in as well; build your connection real tight that’s how a life is made; and that’s memories are created;

People & you will live forever not to the last day of your life but your story will be there alive to the last day of the last person you had a connection with;

Recall their memory; let them live;

Be Alive.

I do really want to thank whomever worked on this movie; it says a lot; if was able to describe what i feel about time/ time traveling and this concept the overall idea i wouldn’t have described it better.

it showed me make it clear to my eyes how hard is it to decide; How hard it was when he had to choose between his newly born kid & his father; choosing between the past & the future; when can be the one so sure of anything to take such a decision ? how ? will i ever be able to choose & be so certain & definite about something ? will i ever be able to decide without hesitation & never look back; no regrets but at least imagining what if i went for the alternative ?!

one of the great lessons in the film as well was that whatever power you have; fate will always exist; you will never be able to fix everything by your own; some stuff need to take care of itself; some unfinished business will be done & not fully done by you; yes you may use your power but the universe will interfere in a way or another; just to let things fall into the right place;

And not to forget the sense of devotion declared in the film; you may need to add devotion to your daily routine, sit back & watch the difference in your life,

Again thanks to the filmmakers; brilliant job; i’m definitely watching it over & over again; and i advise you too as well – whoever is reading this – watch the movie 🙂

Posted in Uncategorized

The right to live.

it’s a scar that will leave a mark forever;

we won’t ever get over it,

its a wound that will never be healed, not even by time.

Sickness is weakness.

you cannot control it.

you follow doctors rules; you take pills; you eat healthy food and no matter what yo do, all of a sudden you find yourself standing over there fighting for your right to live, trying to control something already out of control; you keep fighting to have one more breath, to take as much as you can from life,

The right to live.

sickness leaves you disabled.

it takes away your power.

it leaves you scared. living everyday with the fear of how soon will be the goodbye.

it leaves you with bad memories. it makes you feel pain; physically and mentally.


The right to live.

Sickness is the road to death.

Death is not OK.

it’s painful.

it’s betrayal.

it’s the only fact on earth.


Posted in Uncategorized

why can’t we be forever young ?!

I don’t wanna leave them..

why is it impossible to pause ..

let time stops here where we are all together happy still looking good with our pure warm hearts..

when changes take place coldness fill hearts; distances get longer ..

what was there will never be here again no matter what ..

why can’t everyone just keep their roles ?!.. they are still going to be on the top, taking care of everything ..still taking care of us; and our roles will remain always their cute lil children who love them and always willing to be under their feet to do anything for them..

and it won’t be enough compared to all the sacrifices they did;

I just can’t picture them in any state but strong as they’ve always been.

There has to be a way to stop time .. to stop everything from moving on.. why can’t everything just standstill ?

why can’t we be forever young ?!

we will grow old and they will too. our roles will grow ..

changes will take place in our lives and what we have right now “our present” will become our future’s past .. our now will become a memory a very beautiful one ..

let us just hope this “present” will last longer than we could even expect.

Posted in 2013, Diary, memories

the moment i knew you left

Well 1st of all let me start by a wish : I do really wish from deep inside my heart that no one loses someone close to them.

Years ago I lost the dearest person in my life .. my grandma

As my mom was the youngest of her brothers & sisters, she was the closest to grandma’s heart & so did we (my brother & I), she was ready to do anything for us, she always wanted us to be the best in everything,

her place was the only place where i felt safe, even more than our own home, i remember when i was young i didn’t knew what is a “storm” all i knew was when the weather is bad & wind blowing then its time to go to stay at her place, where we always felt & knew what warmness is..

one of the happiest moments of my life was when she decides to have a sleep over with us,i still feel how was the excitement for the preparations before she arrives. my brother & i used to fight about who’s room she will stay in,

everything was too good when you were here

winter was perfect when you were here

weekends was different, you used to have all the family -sons, daughters, grand children- at your home every week,

i was strong when you were there, i always knew you got my back.

still remember the moment i knew you left, the day before i cried like i never did before & i don’t even remember why, i woke up, went to school, in the middle of the day a teacher came told me my dad was here so be ready to go now,i didn’t know why but knew there’s sth wrong, dad is here , mom not , he brought my brother too & we’re not driving back home, we are going to yours, we arrived, dad left, no one was there except the housekeeper so she told me “your grandma had a sudden heart attack and she is hospital now” i was too shocked that i didn’t even get mad at her, after a while, was calling dad & his voice is not OK,

– “dad, what’s wrong? ”

– “nothing”

– *yelling* “dad, i said what’s wrong?”

– “your grandma has died”

i said nothing & ended the call instantly

after few hours, her house started to be crowded, all family members are here, all in black, all crying, too many sad faces, – all this time i haven’t seen/talked to my mom, later when she arrived at grandma’s house i was avoiding seeing her, i knew she’d be devastated, when finally decided to go n see her, she was sitting on a bed carrying grandma’s clothes and crying hysterically calling her name, i took her between my arms and we both cried.

the whole family stayed their all night, me and dad went home to change and to be ready for the funeral at the early morning, on our way home i insisted to listen the whole story, with non-stop crying i couldn’t sleep, woke up early , wear all black for the 1st time, went to her home & for the 1st time she wasn’t there sitting on her chair smiling as usual, people were in hurry, being ready to go and have the final look on her, the whole death thing was new for me , so i was shocked, nervous, weak , feeling bitterness, & not crying too much, not believing any of what’s happening, we walked into the hospital, entered a room where she was there all covered in white, i couldn’t get any closer to her, stood at a distance where i can see her while prayers are being said, haven’t kissed her, couldn’t, i just couldn’t it was too hard for me & i regret it btw.

i went out the room, we walked in the funeral, thankfully i didn’t saw her going down, but stood there witnessing every single face with a tearful eye, my mom was sitting on a chair, she wasn’t able to move, crying n crying and i was speechless,

back to her home, too many people was there offering their condolences, all what i remember then was sawing her (grandma) coming out of the bathroom, n i heard her voice calling mom with the nickname she always used to call her by, it was like she was refusing to leave us, i know you were here, but the fact that i won’t be able to see/talk to you again is killing me, 8 years since you left & i still smell you whenever i walk into your house, 8 years and i still refuse to believe that you are gone, i refuse to believe that you will not be able to be with me in my special moments,

well grandma your grand daughter is about to graduate from college, i know you’d be happy and flying over the moon in such moment & i would have been so much happier if you were here, but i know you are already here somehow, so thank you for the most beautiful 15 years i have had with you, thank you for everything, you will always be in my heart, your story will be told and it will live forever.

sleep well grandma  ;*

Posted in 2013, Diary, memories, thoughts

The reflex action

Everyone knows that for every action there is a reaction.

But there is not a rule which states that for this certain “action” there has to be this certain “reaction”; this rule doesn’t exist

The reaction is just a very spontaneous reflection which comes out according to what we’ve just heard or seen; it depends on the situation & the surrounding circumstances

When they try to capture this ‘reaction’ moment in movies they use stereotyping,

The majority is using the same basic idea for a ‘reaction’, for example in any of the movies if it happened &there was a death scene usually they tend to use the same ‘reaction’; the one who have just heard the bad news or saw someone dead they start crying and shouting hysterically without even giving time to this character to think about what they have just heard or seen

I’m not saying it happens in all movies but most of them tend to use stereotyping;

Yes this hysterical ‘reactions’ happen in real life but it’s not the only one,

For me I have never imagined myself in similar situations, never thought of what will happen if I was told that anybody I know is dead & as I used to think of myself as a weak person  – I always had this perception of me – falling, crying hysterically .

But when it did happen & I was told that my uncle was dead, I was surprised really surprised of my “reaction”; my family and my uncle used to live in the same building two floors away, so I used to see him a lot, when he got sick and moved to the hospital it was only couple of days then at one day we had this phone call saying its emergency you have to be at the hospital now, it was 9:00 am so my parents left & I was all alone after 2 or 3 hrs I found a cousin standing at our door, ringing the bell, I opened the door, asked her how is uncle and she replied with very low voice as if she was whispering, she was too reluctant to talk then she said it out loud “ your uncle is dead now, pray for him”; here comes the surprise, all what I did is standing with an open mouth for seconds and that’s it, no crying, no screaming, nothing of these things that we are used to, just sat down thinking of what she just said & the crying thing came afterwards at night when we were with his family after the funeral.

the same thing happened to me again in 2009,it was my first year at college & I was in the middle of my exams, when we had this shocking news; we knew my father had colon cancer, it’s diff. the way you used to deal with the word “cancer” all your life, feel sorry for these people who have it, it’s totally diff. when you have it in your own home & it happens to choose the most important person in your life, the same ‘reaction’ happened .. No crying, no screaming, no extreme attitude; all what happened is that I was under the shock, it felt like “everything is under control but actually it is not “I remained in this shock until the operation day.

At this point exactly everything was turned upside down, at first I walked into the hospital holding his hand calm and quiet, it was fine until the moment that I saw him on the troll in that blue shirt to be ready for the surgery, I burst out with tears, was crying like I have never cried before, thankfully he had the surgery done and he is fine now.

So I think I am one of those who remain under the shock for a while & then starts to realize how big the situation is & it turns out that I’m not that weak girl who will fall down the moment she hears anything bad, no I am not like the stereotyping character in movies not at all.

In fact I don’t even know whether this is good or not ??!

Posted in Uncategorized

School days :)


through my whole life , a lot of people walked in it and some walked out , but i have never forgotten any of them , each one of them has left a small memory in my head , some still have a big part in my heart and my head , for example school days -the teachers, friends – those have affected me and my life greatly , as its the first stage in our life so it will always be the best and unforgettable days , the following stages in our life whether college , work ..etc it will never be perfect like the first stage as i remember life was so easy , no responsibilities , no worries , no need to think about tomorrow because you already know everything will be fine, sometimes i think that i’ll never meet friends like the old ones ,and the teachers too , i remember how they were so keen to help us and to teach us lessons that will help us later in life , i admit it that my attitude and my way in dealing with many issues was influenced by them and their instructions that was given long time ago , if i would thank for the rest of my life it won’t be enough for what they have done ,

i used to pay them a visit annually at school , and every time i finish this visit with a very big amount of happiness , happy because i feel like i went   back to old days , happy that they still remember me , happy to hear their witnesses that we were one of the most respectful generations that passed , of course a lot of things had changed at school and some of my teachers left some traveled to another country , but thankfully the most loved ones was still there , i remember when i was young i think in primary stage , we were introduced to a new teacher fresh graduate and he will be our new teacher of science , he was handsome and as u all know all of the girls in my school fell deeply in love with him 😀 and of course i did too , i remembered how i used to be so happy when we are going to attend his class 😀 specially that he continued teaching us until we finished preparatory stage, but after that we realized that we are all fools as usual and we were only teens so he is now as my big brother , when i met him last time i visited school i was flying over the moon , my heart was beating very fast from happiness , this happiness you feel it when you see something from your past , and you remember how beautiful these days was , and how we used to be so happy , fearless , crazy , fools but most important that me my friends and teachers were just like a family and may be more ,

so thanks my dear teachers and friends , thanks my school for letting me have the most beautiful days in my life

may god bless you all

love xoxo