Posted in 2017, Diary, facts, memories, thoughts, travel

Heart left & breath taken in Canada!


2017 is coming to an end, and I would love to take this chance and express my gratitude for this beautiful year as I embarked on journey I never thought I would do. I experienced both good and bad moments, however I am still thankful for those bad ones. It means I have lived, experienced and learned something, I have a story to tell.

This year I traveled to Canada with a friend, a traveler who had visited the country many times before. The best travel buddy I had so far!

For couple of weeks I lived in Canada as a local. We wandered around, we drank coffee all the time, we ate burgers, we went shopping together, we laughed a lot and we fell in love. Yes we did!

It didn’t happen in one night and it didn’t start from scratch. We both had crush on each other for a while but no one had the guts to open up about it for so many different reasons. We broke free of this fear, in Canada.

This country managed to stole my heart twice! I fell in love with it’s beauty and I fell in love with HIM! I became sure of that. Every walk and every talk was a confirmation that he is where I belong and that we both belong big time to this beautiful country. His soul is as pure and beautiful as this country’s nature. His heart and the touch of his hand is as warm as Canada’s summer.

We explored our interests and our backgrounds as we explored the country. We explored it together!

We walked under the rain, we hiked, we visited locals, we ate local food, we canoed, we sang, we stayed up late in nights, we looked each other in the eye and our souls met! the more we talk, walk and laugh, the more I got attached, falling in love knowing that this is the one, and knowing that it would kill me afterwards.

My breath was taken as I hiked those highlands and as I looked him in the eye. I left my heart there and I never really got it back and I don’t think I ever will.

We came back as happy as we can be, but we brought back confusion to our relationship. Undefined. Feelings were expressed, nothing was said for a while and love was lost. Heart still left with Him and in Canada, breath still taken.

I will be forever grateful to those places we visited together, to those stories and laughs shared. To the heart that came back to life and to the soul that met it’s mate.

The long walks, the talks, the late dinners and car/bus rides, the places only we know and the moments lived in those couple of weeks. My unforgettable fairy tale that I highly wish that its ending would change with a happy, cozy one where we have one picture together again saving a moment of warmth and love as those hundreds we took before.

To Canada: Thank you, I won’t ever forget how you were nice to me.

To HIM: here are the words that you never heard from me, maybe one day I get the chance to say it out loud, but for now I will leave them here: I LOVE YOU.


Posted in 2017, thoughts

Notes on hope!

Hope, Anne Frank, quote
Where there is hope, there is life!

This post today is a reminder to anyone (including me) who have lost hope that it takes time & patience for you to get what you want. That is simply the 2 factors of the hope equation..

For those who have lost hope to find their true love, or for those who have already found them and lost them for different reasons this story is for us to remember that there is still hope.

#The family friend:

Our friend H. years ago was engaged to the first girl he loved, their love didn’t make it to the alter because of some family issues so they broke up. He got married later had 3 kids and she did as well and had 2 girls, lived outside the country. Years later she got divorced, came back to the country to settle with her girls, and to our surprise he got divorced too! (Not because of her)

Their kids grew up and because they were living in the same neighbourhood they ran into each other and boom! Reunited.

Now they are married and their 5 kids are best friends. Everytime I see them I just can’t believe how the universe can work in mysterious ways to bring happiness to us if only we understand that it needs time & patience and also a belief that you’ll get the happiness that you deserve eventually.

I have recently lost the opportunity to be with the one I love, whom I think he was my true love. I keep reminding myself with story and many others that maybe the universe will work it out for me the same magical way it did with them.

There is this quote by Steve Jobs where he talked about how you can connect the dots backwards. So I believe we are on a path that is leading somewhere beautiful we might not be able to see it now but we’ll get the full picture when the time is right, we’ll look back with a smile of understanding how those loses, hardtimes & failures brought us to where we are now!

I am sending love and light to the one I love. And for whoever reads this I am sending love, light & hope your way may we all get what we want soon 🙂

Posted in current events, Diary, facts, thoughts, travel

God’s plan for me…

I am not a religious person; not religious enough to be honest but i do believe in God and i do believe in his plan..
through my entire life which is not that long btw ( 20 something years ) I have witnessed how can we plan for something and pray for it really hard but then luckily it doesn’t happen the way you wanted because of two things whether it was really bad to you won’t help you getting any better or otherwise God has already planned for something way better ..
And am here not saying just words; writing poetry on God’s will but i have lived some situations that are a living proof of the :” better plan ” ..

let me just state some; as a matter of gratefulness to God and reminding myself as well that the current plan am asking for might be good and i’ll have it one day if not then yes i believe the best is yet to come – again not living in an ivory tower or being overly optimistic – ..

these better plans were made clear enough in my career and my personal life..
Starting with the personal one..
let me just state a fact that i am not that good when it comes to relationships; inexperienced maybe ! `not lucky enough maybe ! haven’t met the right one until now definitely .. but still the fact is am not that expert in dealing with men when it has something to do with emotions / feelings / love n bla bla

So as we stated this fact – that am not really proud of – i got used to fall for the wrong ones / the fucked up ones mostly..
and eventually i take decisions or start to have dreams and plan for something with each and everyone and the scenario starts like this :
” We talk, someone shows he care, I do as well then i have this question : ” how come you are single ? you are just awesome ” then i start to really like how is it going and how the curve of probability of having something real is getting higher; then i show do care a lot; like a lot and stating one more fact as am an expert in this are believe me 😀 men don’t like how much you do care about them; don’t show them you are really into them at the beginning cause once they felt that they run away and don’t ask honestly i don’t have a freakin’ idea why ..
so continuing the scenario I care they run away.. so am still trying to figure out what happens between ” You are just awesome & complete ignorance ”
then at this point i have already reached the spot where i really got used to talking to this guy like each and every day if not every hour / minute .. and let me just say this am not the one who triggers these conversations at the beginning so its you how took us there..
anyway as i am already choosing to be with the completely wrong ones since the beginning ignoring each and every fact that might ruin this whole thing; sometimes ignoring the fact that we won’t get along with each other for so many freakin’ reasons;
So after planning every time and having a little piece of me going away getting harder and unbreakable killing my heart more to stop falling again and never repeating the scenario

God shows me his plan; he shows me why he hasn’t approved my prayers; masks start to fall and i see the ugly face of these people; their intentions and what exactly could have happened if we took one step forward
God shows me the truth of the person who tried to break me; who wanted to take me just as another antique at his home and a lot more;
so every time am about to doubt ” God aren’t you hearing my prayers ?! and if you do then why aren’t you approving them ” just before i doubt he reveals the answer..

and for that am grateful; yes thank you i believe in your better plan even if i have been broken several times; I know you’ll make it up for me one day;
and i know that you see am still not ready enough to be in the life time relationship so you are preparing me well to it; learning step by step..

Coming to God’s plan in my career life; i am overwhelmed seriously;
as Liz Gilbert said in Eat Pray Love : ” Am a big fan of your work ”
yes I am actually..
just have a look on how is preparing me to each and every step..
considering the fact of a graduate who hasn’t dealt with real life situations enough; inexperienced; been the star of the house so i had everything i needed when i ask; never worked for something that hard; not responsible and committed enough

So i started work in a place where I learned how to deal with people and God was kind enough to put in a place with nice / helpful people at the beginning so i don’t freak out; cause if they weren’t i would have hated work and might have quit as well and never be back again..
then he gave me opportunity to move to a better place where it came a bit tougher; I have learned responsibility and complete full commitment; along with the toughness I had the nicest people around ever starting from colleagues to my assistants and my manager – which wasn’t expected – i swear the nicest ever and we are friends until now even after one year from leaving this work place..
moving to the next step; having already learned being responsible and committed; i moved to a place with less toughness a lower quality so i was like a big fish in a small pond but that helped in making me shine in the place; helping me to deal with different situations a complicated ones as they were already handling these complicated cases to me to solve
doing my job and extra ones cause they know the quality of my work and how i could get it done in 3 minutes literally;
achieving my target in staying for a workplace a bit longer than the past ones that helped me in learning to overcome my fear of routine; yes i still hate it but i gt used to it
i used to be a person who can’t keep friends; can’t keep work because i simply can’t handle dealing with people or dealing in situation for long time.. its just not me; and this wasn’t good i know; knowing that this won’t help me getting any better in my future; if i want to live a life full with success and people around i needed to learn how to stay and stop running away if something is getting closer to me;
Thanks to you God again for turning me to a better person; a better version of me;

Now because of this path; because of what i have been through; and having the ability to figure our=t what i really want in my career and what i don’t; refusing offers that sounded really good to anyone but me; God has gave me the gift of having what i want finally;
working in something i really like; getting the chance of having closer look on my favorite process on earth which is traveling; i wouldn’t have been accepted if haven’t passed through all these steps; meeting all these people getting to know different personalities; having the experience of what to say, what not to and when.. that’s a blessing

I believe in you God; I believe in your plan..
Thank you :)))

Posted in Uncategorized

About time..

I’ve been newly introduced to this incredible fascinating movie ” About time..”

I’ve always had this thought about time travel..

“What if’ only wander if you can go back in time to live your favorite moments again; not only live them but stop them from going; i would stay in my favorite period of time forever; Why would i risk it & leave it behind to see the future ?! yea the future may be prettier but what if turns out not to be that pretty as what i had before ? then what happen ?!

The same exact thought i have about people who say ” Don’t be afraid to fall in love; you never know it may work ?! again what if it didn’t ?! then what ? are you going to heal the wounds ? are you going to fix it ? the only one who will take the pain is the one who did it risk; yea you might & i say MIGHT get the biscuit but who knows after all ?!

you may get the feeling of insecurity in my words but that’s how i feel about the whole Life thing; you never know if you are going to have what you have now in the next following moment..

yes i love being a risk taker but at the same time i try to avoid the bitterness of loss; losing people, losing things, losing the meaning of your life & last but not least losing hope.

Only imagine..

What if you have the opportunity to re-live your past or lets not get so vague.. what about re-living some moments that you really really want to have again?

Oh dear God, i can only think about how fast can my heart beats go.. i can think of the consequences of such miracle if it has genuinely happened;

The movie has just awaken these kind of dreams inside me; as if someone has just dipped his finger deeply in your wound & never took it back;

am not only grieving about the past; am worried to death about the present; by the tik-toks of a clock my present vanishes & its replaced by the unknown; yes we’ll manage to deal with it; but it will torn another piece of the heart as it goes away;

you know i can’t get out of here with the best advise; because i actually don’t know it; am asking for one;

but the thing is the movie has just stressed on a fact that away from miracles & dreams of time traveling; we still have moments to live; we still have the opportunity to tighten the gap in our intervals & enjoy the moment;

we still have the opportunity to look deeply on the face of people we love; may it s the last time; maybe not but you’ll certainly save your details in your memory; and whenever its needed you’ll just recall it; that’s the best that we can do.. RECALL.

so to do this recall thing perfectly you’ll have to live fully in each and every moment doing what you love with the people you admire the most;

what we need to do is to learn how to appreciate what we have;

Don’t take things for granted;

leave a mark; be there for your people; keep them in as well; build your connection real tight that’s how a life is made; and that’s memories are created;

People & you will live forever not to the last day of your life but your story will be there alive to the last day of the last person you had a connection with;

Recall their memory; let them live;

Be Alive.

I do really want to thank whomever worked on this movie; it says a lot; if was able to describe what i feel about time/ time traveling and this concept the overall idea i wouldn’t have described it better.

it showed me make it clear to my eyes how hard is it to decide; How hard it was when he had to choose between his newly born kid & his father; choosing between the past & the future; when can be the one so sure of anything to take such a decision ? how ? will i ever be able to choose & be so certain & definite about something ? will i ever be able to decide without hesitation & never look back; no regrets but at least imagining what if i went for the alternative ?!

one of the great lessons in the film as well was that whatever power you have; fate will always exist; you will never be able to fix everything by your own; some stuff need to take care of itself; some unfinished business will be done & not fully done by you; yes you may use your power but the universe will interfere in a way or another; just to let things fall into the right place;

And not to forget the sense of devotion declared in the film; you may need to add devotion to your daily routine, sit back & watch the difference in your life,

Again thanks to the filmmakers; brilliant job; i’m definitely watching it over & over again; and i advise you too as well – whoever is reading this – watch the movie 🙂

Posted in Uncategorized


it doesn’t feel so good when you see the one you were supposed to be with is seeing someone else you feel a lil bit hurt / betrayed / jealous.

its not okay to feel that your place has been filled so easily & in a very short time.

it does really hurt.

even if you know that you are not going to be together again that doesn’t mean its okay to see someone else taking your space in his life instantly.

at least respect what we had, for old times sake you could have waited a lil bit.

Posted in Uncategorized

it’s that simple..

you’ll feel its the right thing, and its the right one from very simple actions

from a touch, or from a look

you’ll know its true when you look into one’s eye and you feel that you are looking deep inside them and they are too, you’ll feel as if you’re naked they can see beyond what’s there..

you’ll be confused, nervous after such look..

you can tell from a soft touch, when you are shaking hands and you feel that something strong is pulling you towards it,

you can tell from such touch that you are needed, when your fingers meet theirs you’ll hear ” i need u”

it doesn’t have to be complicated to know whether is it true or not you need to look for simplicity,

and if it’s not found don’t fight for something that isn’t there from the beginning,

find simplicity and love will find you

Posted in Uncategorized

#She 5

she said :

i can see myself walking the line with you

i can see myself baring my soul confidently because i trust you

i can see the two of us together

i can see me breaking rules for you

i can see me showing the soft side in front of nobody but you

i can see me doing things i thought i’d never just for you

i can see people talking how my life changed when you came in

i can see my heart believing in love after you prove to me it does exist

i can see the two if us supporting each other to achieve our dreams

i can see the two of us working on our life so hard to make it better

i can see the joy and i can realize a smile on our faces

i can see a relief when i look into your eyes

i can see all of this coming if only you were courageous enough to say it out loud

i can see it happening if you seriously wanted to be a part of my life

you’ll seriously work hard to have me

if you didn’t do so . then you don’t deserve me ; and all these pictures in my head would vanish ; but it will be true with the one who care and work on it just to be in the picture and draw this smile on our faces when we will be together …

my reaction depend on your action ..

its your turn; you have the right to do the next move


#She 4

he keep talking and he opens conversations, she replies

but she never starts

she don’t know what or how the next step will be .. she is not the controller this time

he is; and he is pulling her towards him .. she never thought its even possible but she is letting herself to do so, limits & boundaries are still there but at least what she thought was unbreakable apparently it is..

she always refused to think about it, now she is involved in this mess; she is attracted by a strange force which she is trying to understand but didn’t get it yet

what happened ? what changed her mind ? why she is still responding to his conversations ? why hasn’t she kicked him out as the previous ones ? and at the same time she is still not falling for him , she is not overwhelmed by his charm yet..

no doubt he has a strong character an influential one, they have a lot in common

she will know he is the one when she find herself easily going with him, not over thinking about her reactions, not obliged to think before she talks to him

when she find herself away of anxiety ,being nervous and she feels totally comfortable with him and when she feel that relief after talking to him,

when she find herself talking about her stuff and he is listening carefully;

when she talks about things from deep inside her hearts, things that were never revealed before him

when she feels that he is good enough to trust him

when she knows and he assures her that he cares , really cares not only words

when she feels that he thinks about her every single moment in his life

when he keep thinking about her and how is she and what she is doing when she is not there with him, when he keep asking about her

when he is courage enough and he forget about any boundaries and let her know that he cares and he won’t give up on her easily ,

when he is supportive enough

,, only then she will now he might be the one

but before that happens she won’t be able to understand what he is to her and she won’t be able to take any decisions regarding this whole thing.

Posted in Uncategorized

#She 3

the conversation was going easily & they were talking in a certain topic when all of a sudden he interrupted the conversation by mentioning how beautiful she is ,,

miraculously she didn’t realize it until later; she was concentrating in the subject that she didn’t even read his words ..

that was good for her; she don’t want to fall under his spell, if she has read his words on time she would have been confused and wouldn’t know what to do ,,which will eventually be a mess

she was confused after she realized he said so; but she felt good he said that and it came out of nowhere; it wasn’t expected .. she never expects he would write that for her .

Posted in Uncategorized

#She 1

she is too weak to resist your effect.

She was just shaking hands and when you pulled her close, hold her hand strong between yours, She realized how weak she is

when you pulled her close to you and your face was in front of hers, your eyes were looking right into hers, She knew she won’t be able to look into your eyes

she didn’t, she was too confused and somehow irritated because you made it clear how weak she is when you did this, She is not used to face this truth.

when you pulled her close, and you were talking to her general, random talk, she was doing everything possible to get out of this situation,

even the way she kept thinking  days ago of how she will present to you what she wanted  to say, it all disappeared and evaporated when you took your surprising move,

She was running away,

You confused her.

She know there is nothing from you or nothing will be between you and her, but although she know that; she was hoping of a longer time of this weird holding thing;

you showed her the point of weaknesses,

she always said that even if she faced a similar situation it would be nothing because she know how to deal and handle it

but you showed her she can’t

she need to know how to resist

the facts concluded from this situation is that she is weak, she need to learn how not to be , she felt good when you did so but at the same time she was lost.