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What matters is to show up; only show up.


Life keeps unstoppably teaching us lessons; and one of the most recent ones I have learned was knowing the importance of showing up no matter what happened. Show Up.

Show up for the people you love.

Show up in every occasion if possible; people are respecting you enough to share important moments of their lives with you; don’t shut them off & turn your back to their invitations.

Show up because you care.

Show up because you can.

Show up because you are still alive; create a memory that lasts in your mind & in people’s one too.

– When in to comes to an end; when each & every one of us leaves this earth our bodies will fade but what will only remain is the warmth of our souls; the softness of our words; our presence back then when we had the chance; that’s the only thing that will remain the memories & moments you shared with people; that’s how you’ll be remembered & that’s how your name will live forever.

Create your own moments when you have the chance.

Show up in people’s precious moments the saddest before the happiest.

Be there for people in your life. – if you don’t please don’t expect anybody to be there for you in return anytime -.

I have learned lately to stop making excuses; I used to live in my own world; not caring that much to the importance of people around;

but then i realized that part of having a really good life is to be there whenever possible.

I used to ignore most of the outings with friends because am too happy having other stuff to do it my way; but taking a look back i noticed how disrespectful is that; why would I keep people away;

And on the other side; I have learned that no matter how much I hate a person; disregarding too many facts you have to be there in the saddest moments even if you hate this person. you still have to show up.

It matters.

Because you never wanna end as a reaction not the action itself. Showing up is good.

So be good.

that’s what life taught me; Be good; Show up, It really really matters.

 

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The string.


Push and pull.. the string.

you control the distance;

you control who stays and who don’t;

you pull it backward to permit few to be close..

not close enough to hurt; to see the scars; to reveal the secret.

you lock them away ( or maybe yourself ) in the safe zone.

Nobody can / will cross the line;

And if someone did ! “even if its unintentionally”; you push it strongly forward to the farthest it can be;

You know you need some of them around; You pull it back and when you feel the danger .. the string becomes in its loosest forms.

You know you are building your wall so high that no one can climb it.

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The right to live.


it’s a scar that will leave a mark forever;

we won’t ever get over it,

its a wound that will never be healed, not even by time.

Sickness is weakness.

you cannot control it.

you follow doctors rules; you take pills; you eat healthy food and no matter what yo do, all of a sudden you find yourself standing over there fighting for your right to live, trying to control something already out of control; you keep fighting to have one more breath, to take as much as you can from life,

The right to live.

sickness leaves you disabled.

it takes away your power.

it leaves you scared. living everyday with the fear of how soon will be the goodbye.

it leaves you with bad memories. it makes you feel pain; physically and mentally.

struggling.

The right to live.

Sickness is the road to death.

Death is not OK.

it’s painful.

it’s betrayal.

it’s the only fact on earth.

:/

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#She 5


she said :

i can see myself walking the line with you

i can see myself baring my soul confidently because i trust you

i can see the two of us together

i can see me breaking rules for you

i can see me showing the soft side in front of nobody but you

i can see me doing things i thought i’d never just for you

i can see people talking how my life changed when you came in

i can see my heart believing in love after you prove to me it does exist

i can see the two if us supporting each other to achieve our dreams

i can see the two of us working on our life so hard to make it better

i can see the joy and i can realize a smile on our faces

i can see a relief when i look into your eyes

i can see all of this coming if only you were courageous enough to say it out loud

i can see it happening if you seriously wanted to be a part of my life

you’ll seriously work hard to have me

if you didn’t do so . then you don’t deserve me ; and all these pictures in my head would vanish ; but it will be true with the one who care and work on it just to be in the picture and draw this smile on our faces when we will be together …

my reaction depend on your action ..

its your turn; you have the right to do the next move

 

#She 4


he keep talking and he opens conversations, she replies

but she never starts

she don’t know what or how the next step will be .. she is not the controller this time

he is; and he is pulling her towards him .. she never thought its even possible but she is letting herself to do so, limits & boundaries are still there but at least what she thought was unbreakable apparently it is..

she always refused to think about it, now she is involved in this mess; she is attracted by a strange force which she is trying to understand but didn’t get it yet

what happened ? what changed her mind ? why she is still responding to his conversations ? why hasn’t she kicked him out as the previous ones ? and at the same time she is still not falling for him , she is not overwhelmed by his charm yet..

no doubt he has a strong character an influential one, they have a lot in common

she will know he is the one when she find herself easily going with him, not over thinking about her reactions, not obliged to think before she talks to him

when she find herself away of anxiety ,being nervous and she feels totally comfortable with him and when she feel that relief after talking to him,

when she find herself talking about her stuff and he is listening carefully;

when she talks about things from deep inside her hearts, things that were never revealed before him

when she feels that he is good enough to trust him

when she knows and he assures her that he cares , really cares not only words

when she feels that he thinks about her every single moment in his life

when he keep thinking about her and how is she and what she is doing when she is not there with him, when he keep asking about her

when he is courage enough and he forget about any boundaries and let her know that he cares and he won’t give up on her easily ,

when he is supportive enough

,, only then she will now he might be the one

but before that happens she won’t be able to understand what he is to her and she won’t be able to take any decisions regarding this whole thing.

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#She 3


the conversation was going easily & they were talking in a certain topic when all of a sudden he interrupted the conversation by mentioning how beautiful she is ,,

miraculously she didn’t realize it until later; she was concentrating in the subject that she didn’t even read his words ..

that was good for her; she don’t want to fall under his spell, if she has read his words on time she would have been confused and wouldn’t know what to do ,,which will eventually be a mess

she was confused after she realized he said so; but she felt good he said that and it came out of nowhere; it wasn’t expected .. she never expects he would write that for her .

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#She 2


she is in a stage where u can call it upgrading/ evolution or any word that carries the same meaning

she is learning and she is changing 

she is learning how to deal with new situations with diff. people

she is learning to accept changes rapidly

she is learning how adapt with them

she has a lot to take at one time;

she is trying to slow down to understand

she is slowing down because she is new to everything in her life

whole new situations which she never experienced before

she is slowing down because she is afraid  to lose what she gained 

all what she need is to have time to re-set her rules

re-set her mood; her routine

she need to evaluate the last couple of months in her life

she knows writing would help

and thats what she started doing

she agreed with herself on slowing down just to have time to do the right action at the right time

she don’t want to mess up again

she reached a point where she got all what she asked for kind of stability but she is still working hard and praying for this stage to stay as long as it can be

the only thing she is aiming for now is to win the challenge that she accepted months ago

she said she can & she will do whatever she wants but she sometimes realize how big & hard the situation is

she is in really huge challenge and thats why she is always afraid to lose or to do it wrong

her biggest fear is to give up; she is not a quitter and she totally refuses to be a one 

weak and not able to complete what she started before

she think of every step before implementing it bec. of the fear of not being able to finish what she begun ..

 

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#She 1


she is too weak to resist your effect.

She was just shaking hands and when you pulled her close, hold her hand strong between yours, She realized how weak she is

when you pulled her close to you and your face was in front of hers, your eyes were looking right into hers, She knew she won’t be able to look into your eyes

she didn’t, she was too confused and somehow irritated because you made it clear how weak she is when you did this, She is not used to face this truth.

when you pulled her close, and you were talking to her general, random talk, she was doing everything possible to get out of this situation,

even the way she kept thinking  days ago of how she will present to you what she wanted  to say, it all disappeared and evaporated when you took your surprising move,

She was running away,

You confused her.

She know there is nothing from you or nothing will be between you and her, but although she know that; she was hoping of a longer time of this weird holding thing;

you showed her the point of weaknesses,

she always said that even if she faced a similar situation it would be nothing because she know how to deal and handle it

but you showed her she can’t

she need to know how to resist

the facts concluded from this situation is that she is weak, she need to learn how not to be , she felt good when you did so but at the same time she was lost.

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Optimistic or Faithful ?!


well lets start with a fact that i couldn’t be counted on team optimism, never been.

always tend to choose the worst/darkest side of anything, didn’t expect too much out of anything to avoid frustration & depression.
it might be am just choosing the safest side ? may be .. i think .. who knows anyway ?

the past few months was too busy, doing too many things graduation project, community service , preparing for my final exams and so on..

i was putting all my time & effort in all these stuff, as am a person who is seeking perfection i couldn’t handle seeing unfinished work, was working too hard to have it all done perfectly,

i do believe in this : “the result of  your equation is known from the given you already have “ , i had all the given; the material, my time, my effort, then according to my theory i should not worry about the result but i should because there is only one factor could turn this upside down its Conciliation, so without it its all done none of this will work,

i needed conciliation badly whether in my exams or in my project and in my interviews for the job vacancies i applied for,

through all of that i was trying to figure out this :” am i an optimistic person ? am i that person & i wasn’t really showing ? or am just too faithful to believe in god & in myself ?” when i was pretty sure of what i did and the effort & time i spent to get that finished i was kinda sure of how the result should be but was waiting for conciliation to show its effect

every time i went to exam, every time i went for an interview, the moment i stood presenting my grad. project i was comfortable with what i did, i have done everything i was asked to do.

i got accepted at one int. and right before i receive the job, some problems popped out bec. of bad timing i was supposed to get hired and have exams at same time so that was impossible, i quit, but was too satisfied, thanking god for what happened although i wanted this job badly but i won’t cry on something wasn’t mine already, who knows may be it wasn’t good for me, may be its just fate, i told myself & was speaking to God :  ” i know you are saving something better for me, you know how hard i want a job as soon as possible, so i know you’ll give me what i deserve now or later, there’s something for me out there and i’m waiting” .

i don’t exactly know is this optimism or faith ? after too many thinking i came out with this: optimism is a result of strong faith, faith will never be there if you are not pretty sure of what you did , – when you work hard for something, when you put all what you have in something, & you do your thing perfectly -, you consequently have faith/ belief in yourself, in your goal , you believe eventually in God who was witnessing all what you did, so you are expecting a result according to the given that you have put in the equation, then you become seeing the bright side of whatever happen & that makes you optimistic by the way.

work hard + believe in yourself + believe in god’s power + conciliation = faith = optimism

see i might be both characters the pessimistic & the optimistic one, it depends

we can’t say this person is pessimistic or optimistic, its a range, we can’t be counted on one of the two poles only, it depends on the situation, the given, the faith, it depends on changeable circumstances.

optimism is not too far from faith both are directly proportional, both relate to each other strongly with what you are willing to do.