Posted in 2018, Diary, poetry, thoughts

Perfectionists are not Allowed! #UnfinishedWork


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Somewhere only we know </3

They taught me how to say ” Astaghferu Allah”. They say it helps in the healing process.

So I remembered their words!

“Astaghferu Allah”

I get busy and bury myself in endless tasks at work.

I read your name on my mobile. I get stuck.

Eyes fixed on the screen, mind reliving our moments together.

“Astaghferu Allah”, I say.

“Focus. You have work to do, deadlines to meet. Focus.” – said the distracted mind.

I saw you. I saw you putting your arms around her as you walked down the hall.

It makes sense! She is now closer to you than I used to do. The sight of you two puts extra weight on my heart, but I push a smile anyway.

That is what they taught me. Fake it until you make it. So I try.

A sigh.

“Astaghferu Allah”

I am on my way home, I pass by your house. Your perfume “my favorite” is in the air.

Heart pounding. Heartbeats racing. Tears pouring.

I catch myself crying. Stop! Remember the smile. So I smile.

“Astaghferu Allah”

I walk. Faster steps, unsteady but fast.

I leave with no look backs for today!

I repeat “Astaghferu Allah”. They said it is a pain killer, so I overdosed it.

 

— Astaghferu Allah: is a religious saying in Islam that means Ask for God’s forgiveness, help, and support. A mean of worship that is always thought to be good to start your prayers with. —

 

DISCLAIMER: This is not the final version. It is subjected to edits that should be applied soon.

Would love to hear feedback thou! Thanks xoxo

 

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Posted in Uncategorized

About time..


I’ve been newly introduced to this incredible fascinating movie ” About time..”

I’ve always had this thought about time travel..

“What if’ only wander if you can go back in time to live your favorite moments again; not only live them but stop them from going; i would stay in my favorite period of time forever; Why would i risk it & leave it behind to see the future ?! yea the future may be prettier but what if turns out not to be that pretty as what i had before ? then what happen ?!

The same exact thought i have about people who say ” Don’t be afraid to fall in love; you never know it may work ?! again what if it didn’t ?! then what ? are you going to heal the wounds ? are you going to fix it ? the only one who will take the pain is the one who did it risk; yea you might & i say MIGHT get the biscuit but who knows after all ?!

you may get the feeling of insecurity in my words but that’s how i feel about the whole Life thing; you never know if you are going to have what you have now in the next following moment..

yes i love being a risk taker but at the same time i try to avoid the bitterness of loss; losing people, losing things, losing the meaning of your life & last but not least losing hope.

Only imagine..

What if you have the opportunity to re-live your past or lets not get so vague.. what about re-living some moments that you really really want to have again?

Oh dear God, i can only think about how fast can my heart beats go.. i can think of the consequences of such miracle if it has genuinely happened;

The movie has just awaken these kind of dreams inside me; as if someone has just dipped his finger deeply in your wound & never took it back;

am not only grieving about the past; am worried to death about the present; by the tik-toks of a clock my present vanishes & its replaced by the unknown; yes we’ll manage to deal with it; but it will torn another piece of the heart as it goes away;

you know i can’t get out of here with the best advise; because i actually don’t know it; am asking for one;

but the thing is the movie has just stressed on a fact that away from miracles & dreams of time traveling; we still have moments to live; we still have the opportunity to tighten the gap in our intervals & enjoy the moment;

we still have the opportunity to look deeply on the face of people we love; may it s the last time; maybe not but you’ll certainly save your details in your memory; and whenever its needed you’ll just recall it; that’s the best that we can do.. RECALL.

so to do this recall thing perfectly you’ll have to live fully in each and every moment doing what you love with the people you admire the most;

what we need to do is to learn how to appreciate what we have;

Don’t take things for granted;

leave a mark; be there for your people; keep them in as well; build your connection real tight that’s how a life is made; and that’s memories are created;

People & you will live forever not to the last day of your life but your story will be there alive to the last day of the last person you had a connection with;

Recall their memory; let them live;

Be Alive.

I do really want to thank whomever worked on this movie; it says a lot; if was able to describe what i feel about time/ time traveling and this concept the overall idea i wouldn’t have described it better.

it showed me make it clear to my eyes how hard is it to decide; How hard it was when he had to choose between his newly born kid & his father; choosing between the past & the future; when can be the one so sure of anything to take such a decision ? how ? will i ever be able to choose & be so certain & definite about something ? will i ever be able to decide without hesitation & never look back; no regrets but at least imagining what if i went for the alternative ?!

one of the great lessons in the film as well was that whatever power you have; fate will always exist; you will never be able to fix everything by your own; some stuff need to take care of itself; some unfinished business will be done & not fully done by you; yes you may use your power but the universe will interfere in a way or another; just to let things fall into the right place;

And not to forget the sense of devotion declared in the film; you may need to add devotion to your daily routine, sit back & watch the difference in your life,

Again thanks to the filmmakers; brilliant job; i’m definitely watching it over & over again; and i advise you too as well – whoever is reading this – watch the movie 🙂

Posted in Uncategorized

where in the world again we’ll meet


since the beginning,

we shared this moment,

that will last till the end,

every time our eyes meet,

it make me nervous, as its not me,

a bet confused & a bit keen,

where in the world again we’ll meet,

i believed from the beginning we were meant to be,

something pulls us together like a honey & a bee,

spent years waiting for you to get the key,

a word could have changed who were we,

i saw you looking at me,

long time why haven’t i see,

the truth was calling, hey its me,

grab this moment & live your dream,

why haven’t i believed,

that you were for me,

if only i agreed.

PS: this is only me trying to write a poem, its my first one

everything has a first time right 🙂