Posted in Uncategorized


it doesn’t feel so good when you see the one you were supposed to be with is seeing someone else you feel a lil bit hurt / betrayed / jealous.

its not okay to feel that your place has been filled so easily & in a very short time.

it does really hurt.

even if you know that you are not going to be together again that doesn’t mean its okay to see someone else taking your space in his life instantly.

at least respect what we had, for old times sake you could have waited a lil bit.

Posted in Uncategorized

the challenge is you still do whatever..

every single one of us have some point in his/her life where we need to spice our life’s a bit, add some extras w]that would give our life a meaning, a meaning that would eventually defines us and our way of living,

challenges do so.. when you go for a challenge , when you set one and be determined and strong enough to accept it, thats a good start but the actual challenge is to keep moving until you reach the end successfully, the actual challenge is to finish what you have just decided to start.

in other words, some of us lose power along the road, some get tired, give up, forgot at some point why they have started this challenge from the first place, we sometimes reach a point where you start asking yourself ” is it really worthy? ” ” why am i doing so & so ? ” , we do not wanna keep fighting to reach the end line. we do want to have whatever we want easily without even a sweat drop.

you’ll never be satisfied or happy if never finished what you started, you may feel you are running out of your energy, but this means that you were fighting so do not let some moments stop you from moving forward , a step closer towards your success,

whenever you feel that you are about to give up, stay away from everything take a deep breath and take couple of minutes to remember why exactly you said before ” challenge accepted” , remember why you wanted to start this from the first place, write down the “WHY’s ” , write down what motivates you, if its not about motivation , if you are running away from something write down what is this particular thing, remind yourself of the main reasons, close your eyes and picture yourself twice , a one big picture when you made it to success and another picture with you giving up not giving yourself the chance to prove itself,

picture yourself in both situations and see where exactly will you feel satisfaction and fulfillment, 

lose yourself between your thoughts towards success , as i have just read ” “To lose yourself: a voluptuous surrender, lost in your arms, lost to the world, utterly immersed in what is present so that its surroundings fade away … to be lost is to be fully present, and to be fully present is to be capable of being in uncertainty and mystery.” ― Rebecca Solnit, A Field Guide to Getting Lost

don’t let the surroundings affect your decision, don’t let anybody take control over your life, be determined, draw your line and be unique,

walk in an endless motion towards your dream, fulfill your needs to be what you want, don’t think of what people might say about what you are doing, ignore people because nobody will want you to be a better person than yourself, don’t ask for help be independent and strong enough in a position where you are the one who is providing people with help,

you are responsible for your own masterpiece, accept the challenge and keep moving , use the power of positive thinking.  WALK THE LINE till the end.


i do wanna reach a point where somehow when i look back at my life i’d look proudly and say OMG i did that, i didn’t actually thought i could but i did .. a point where everything seemed too hard i look back & say i got over that ,, passed it & dealt with it wisely , i do wanna look proudly at my mistakes and say yes because of these mistakes i have learned a lot and that’s why i became who i am today

#She 4

he keep talking and he opens conversations, she replies

but she never starts

she don’t know what or how the next step will be .. she is not the controller this time

he is; and he is pulling her towards him .. she never thought its even possible but she is letting herself to do so, limits & boundaries are still there but at least what she thought was unbreakable apparently it is..

she always refused to think about it, now she is involved in this mess; she is attracted by a strange force which she is trying to understand but didn’t get it yet

what happened ? what changed her mind ? why she is still responding to his conversations ? why hasn’t she kicked him out as the previous ones ? and at the same time she is still not falling for him , she is not overwhelmed by his charm yet..

no doubt he has a strong character an influential one, they have a lot in common

she will know he is the one when she find herself easily going with him, not over thinking about her reactions, not obliged to think before she talks to him

when she find herself away of anxiety ,being nervous and she feels totally comfortable with him and when she feel that relief after talking to him,

when she find herself talking about her stuff and he is listening carefully;

when she talks about things from deep inside her hearts, things that were never revealed before him

when she feels that he is good enough to trust him

when she knows and he assures her that he cares , really cares not only words

when she feels that he thinks about her every single moment in his life

when he keep thinking about her and how is she and what she is doing when she is not there with him, when he keep asking about her

when he is courage enough and he forget about any boundaries and let her know that he cares and he won’t give up on her easily ,

when he is supportive enough

,, only then she will now he might be the one

but before that happens she won’t be able to understand what he is to her and she won’t be able to take any decisions regarding this whole thing.

Posted in Uncategorized

Optimistic or Faithful ?!

well lets start with a fact that i couldn’t be counted on team optimism, never been.

always tend to choose the worst/darkest side of anything, didn’t expect too much out of anything to avoid frustration & depression.
it might be am just choosing the safest side ? may be .. i think .. who knows anyway ?

the past few months was too busy, doing too many things graduation project, community service , preparing for my final exams and so on..

i was putting all my time & effort in all these stuff, as am a person who is seeking perfection i couldn’t handle seeing unfinished work, was working too hard to have it all done perfectly,

i do believe in this : “the result of  your equation is known from the given you already have “ , i had all the given; the material, my time, my effort, then according to my theory i should not worry about the result but i should because there is only one factor could turn this upside down its Conciliation, so without it its all done none of this will work,

i needed conciliation badly whether in my exams or in my project and in my interviews for the job vacancies i applied for,

through all of that i was trying to figure out this :” am i an optimistic person ? am i that person & i wasn’t really showing ? or am just too faithful to believe in god & in myself ?” when i was pretty sure of what i did and the effort & time i spent to get that finished i was kinda sure of how the result should be but was waiting for conciliation to show its effect

every time i went to exam, every time i went for an interview, the moment i stood presenting my grad. project i was comfortable with what i did, i have done everything i was asked to do.

i got accepted at one int. and right before i receive the job, some problems popped out bec. of bad timing i was supposed to get hired and have exams at same time so that was impossible, i quit, but was too satisfied, thanking god for what happened although i wanted this job badly but i won’t cry on something wasn’t mine already, who knows may be it wasn’t good for me, may be its just fate, i told myself & was speaking to God :  ” i know you are saving something better for me, you know how hard i want a job as soon as possible, so i know you’ll give me what i deserve now or later, there’s something for me out there and i’m waiting” .

i don’t exactly know is this optimism or faith ? after too many thinking i came out with this: optimism is a result of strong faith, faith will never be there if you are not pretty sure of what you did , – when you work hard for something, when you put all what you have in something, & you do your thing perfectly -, you consequently have faith/ belief in yourself, in your goal , you believe eventually in God who was witnessing all what you did, so you are expecting a result according to the given that you have put in the equation, then you become seeing the bright side of whatever happen & that makes you optimistic by the way.

work hard + believe in yourself + believe in god’s power + conciliation = faith = optimism

see i might be both characters the pessimistic & the optimistic one, it depends

we can’t say this person is pessimistic or optimistic, its a range, we can’t be counted on one of the two poles only, it depends on the situation, the given, the faith, it depends on changeable circumstances.

optimism is not too far from faith both are directly proportional, both relate to each other strongly with what you are willing to do.

Posted in 2013, Diary, memories

the moment i knew you left

Well 1st of all let me start by a wish : I do really wish from deep inside my heart that no one loses someone close to them.

Years ago I lost the dearest person in my life .. my grandma

As my mom was the youngest of her brothers & sisters, she was the closest to grandma’s heart & so did we (my brother & I), she was ready to do anything for us, she always wanted us to be the best in everything,

her place was the only place where i felt safe, even more than our own home, i remember when i was young i didn’t knew what is a “storm” all i knew was when the weather is bad & wind blowing then its time to go to stay at her place, where we always felt & knew what warmness is..

one of the happiest moments of my life was when she decides to have a sleep over with us,i still feel how was the excitement for the preparations before she arrives. my brother & i used to fight about who’s room she will stay in,

everything was too good when you were here

winter was perfect when you were here

weekends was different, you used to have all the family -sons, daughters, grand children- at your home every week,

i was strong when you were there, i always knew you got my back.

still remember the moment i knew you left, the day before i cried like i never did before & i don’t even remember why, i woke up, went to school, in the middle of the day a teacher came told me my dad was here so be ready to go now,i didn’t know why but knew there’s sth wrong, dad is here , mom not , he brought my brother too & we’re not driving back home, we are going to yours, we arrived, dad left, no one was there except the housekeeper so she told me “your grandma had a sudden heart attack and she is hospital now” i was too shocked that i didn’t even get mad at her, after a while, was calling dad & his voice is not OK,

– “dad, what’s wrong? ”

– “nothing”

– *yelling* “dad, i said what’s wrong?”

– “your grandma has died”

i said nothing & ended the call instantly

after few hours, her house started to be crowded, all family members are here, all in black, all crying, too many sad faces, – all this time i haven’t seen/talked to my mom, later when she arrived at grandma’s house i was avoiding seeing her, i knew she’d be devastated, when finally decided to go n see her, she was sitting on a bed carrying grandma’s clothes and crying hysterically calling her name, i took her between my arms and we both cried.

the whole family stayed their all night, me and dad went home to change and to be ready for the funeral at the early morning, on our way home i insisted to listen the whole story, with non-stop crying i couldn’t sleep, woke up early , wear all black for the 1st time, went to her home & for the 1st time she wasn’t there sitting on her chair smiling as usual, people were in hurry, being ready to go and have the final look on her, the whole death thing was new for me , so i was shocked, nervous, weak , feeling bitterness, & not crying too much, not believing any of what’s happening, we walked into the hospital, entered a room where she was there all covered in white, i couldn’t get any closer to her, stood at a distance where i can see her while prayers are being said, haven’t kissed her, couldn’t, i just couldn’t it was too hard for me & i regret it btw.

i went out the room, we walked in the funeral, thankfully i didn’t saw her going down, but stood there witnessing every single face with a tearful eye, my mom was sitting on a chair, she wasn’t able to move, crying n crying and i was speechless,

back to her home, too many people was there offering their condolences, all what i remember then was sawing her (grandma) coming out of the bathroom, n i heard her voice calling mom with the nickname she always used to call her by, it was like she was refusing to leave us, i know you were here, but the fact that i won’t be able to see/talk to you again is killing me, 8 years since you left & i still smell you whenever i walk into your house, 8 years and i still refuse to believe that you are gone, i refuse to believe that you will not be able to be with me in my special moments,

well grandma your grand daughter is about to graduate from college, i know you’d be happy and flying over the moon in such moment & i would have been so much happier if you were here, but i know you are already here somehow, so thank you for the most beautiful 15 years i have had with you, thank you for everything, you will always be in my heart, your story will be told and it will live forever.

sleep well grandma  ;*

Posted in 2013, quotes, thoughts

after all, who are you?!


the women quotes


i don’t wanna get to this point of my life; looking backwards regretting everything, feeling unsatisfied

just like Mary at “The Women” movie when she found out at certain time she is nothing, and her busy life being a wife/mom have turned her old big dreams away, well she was lucky that she was able to accomplish her mission & changed when she woke up from her nightmare (past),, but who says its a rule and whenever you wake up you will be able to do whatever you want, i think we should watch our steps from the beginnings, every step, every choice we take build a part of our future

every time i see this movie i ask myself “what about you?” “what do i want?” , sometimes you live life just for others and you forget about yourself and your dream at this moment exactly i wonder how many lives do i have exactly not to grab any opportunity and fulfill my dreams

i don’t wanna have this “Mary” life the careless women the mother and the wife ,, am totally not ready for this; i am ready to spend every minute of my life as i want not under the control of any other circumstances