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The string.


Push and pull.. the string.

you control the distance;

you control who stays and who don’t;

you pull it backward to permit few to be close..

not close enough to hurt; to see the scars; to reveal the secret.

you lock them away ( or maybe yourself ) in the safe zone.

Nobody can / will cross the line;

And if someone did ! “even if its unintentionally”; you push it strongly forward to the farthest it can be;

You know you need some of them around; You pull it back and when you feel the danger .. the string becomes in its loosest forms.

You know you are building your wall so high that no one can climb it.

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The right to live.


it’s a scar that will leave a mark forever;

we won’t ever get over it,

its a wound that will never be healed, not even by time.

Sickness is weakness.

you cannot control it.

you follow doctors rules; you take pills; you eat healthy food and no matter what yo do, all of a sudden you find yourself standing over there fighting for your right to live, trying to control something already out of control; you keep fighting to have one more breath, to take as much as you can from life,

The right to live.

sickness leaves you disabled.

it takes away your power.

it leaves you scared. living everyday with the fear of how soon will be the goodbye.

it leaves you with bad memories. it makes you feel pain; physically and mentally.

struggling.

The right to live.

Sickness is the road to death.

Death is not OK.

it’s painful.

it’s betrayal.

it’s the only fact on earth.

:/

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Resolutions: 2014


NYC Girl In Pearls

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Looking back on all of my experiences this year, especially pictures and messages from family/friends, I couldn’t be more thankful for everything that’s happened in 2013. I can’t believe how many things have changed – from graduating, moving to Paris – to little things like completing my first half-marathon and staying in my first hostel.

I’m extremely lucky to have experienced and learned so much in the past year that I want to ensure I get the most out of 2014, too.

I’ve thought a lot about the following resolutions I’ve made for this upcoming year, and in an effort to keep them both fun and simple, here they are:

1. Say ‘yes’ more and often. I once read a piece on Thought Catalog on “How To Have A Zelda Fitzgerald Summer” where one of the instructions is to say ‘yes’ to everything that I still think back…

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hurt.


it doesn’t feel so good when you see the one you were supposed to be with is seeing someone else you feel a lil bit hurt / betrayed / jealous.

its not okay to feel that your place has been filled so easily & in a very short time.

it does really hurt.

even if you know that you are not going to be together again that doesn’t mean its okay to see someone else taking your space in his life instantly.

at least respect what we had, for old times sake you could have waited a lil bit.

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why can’t we be forever young ?!


I don’t wanna leave them..

why is it impossible to pause ..

let time stops here where we are all together happy still looking good with our pure warm hearts..

when changes take place coldness fill hearts; distances get longer ..

what was there will never be here again no matter what ..

why can’t everyone just keep their roles ?!.. they are still going to be on the top, taking care of everything ..still taking care of us; and our roles will remain always their cute lil children who love them and always willing to be under their feet to do anything for them..

and it won’t be enough compared to all the sacrifices they did;

I just can’t picture them in any state but strong as they’ve always been.

There has to be a way to stop time .. to stop everything from moving on.. why can’t everything just standstill ?

why can’t we be forever young ?!

we will grow old and they will too. our roles will grow ..

changes will take place in our lives and what we have right now “our present” will become our future’s past .. our now will become a memory a very beautiful one ..

let us just hope this “present” will last longer than we could even expect.

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it’s that simple..


you’ll feel its the right thing, and its the right one from very simple actions

from a touch, or from a look

you’ll know its true when you look into one’s eye and you feel that you are looking deep inside them and they are too, you’ll feel as if you’re naked they can see beyond what’s there..

you’ll be confused, nervous after such look..

you can tell from a soft touch, when you are shaking hands and you feel that something strong is pulling you towards it,

you can tell from such touch that you are needed, when your fingers meet theirs you’ll hear ” i need u”

it doesn’t have to be complicated to know whether is it true or not you need to look for simplicity,

and if it’s not found don’t fight for something that isn’t there from the beginning,

find simplicity and love will find you

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Let it Be


How To Fly Over The Cuckoo's Nest

Four days had passed and I still hadn’t left the flat.

I hadn’t washed or eaten and the only contact I’d had with the outside world was a 30 second phone call with my mum. I just lay under my duvet for hours at a time. No music, no TV, no fags, just my whirring thoughts and the polka dot sheets. Occasionally, I would get up to use the toilet and sip some water, but even that felt like a mountain to climb.

I was restless, something was crawling underneath my skin. I clawed at my neck and chest, leaving crimson scratches and bloody fingernails. I fell from the bed onto the bedroom floor, crying out for mercy, but no one was listening.

I couldn’t take it anymore, it was unbearable. I lay on my bed, pleading, crying out for some relief from the agonising pain that plagued my mind…

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Things My Therapist Has Taught Me


Sips of Jen and Tonic

bc425f09027fd13912ac10b6728e4ea3I don’t typically write serious subject matter on this blog, but a few months ago I wrote about my desire to seek therapy for a myriad of issues I’ve faced for years. A woman of my word, I began going almost immediately.

I don’t like talking to friends or family members about my problems so the idea of talking to a stranger about my innermost thoughts really put me off. Luckily, I found someone totally aces on the first try, and she has taught me some very valuable things in our time together so far.

How you feel about yourself is not a democracy.

I would never have described myself as a “people pleaser” until I started seeing her. Now I can’t believe I never saw it before. In every facet of my life I am living for someone else: at work, in relationships, with my family, among friends. No…

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the challenge is you still do whatever..


every single one of us have some point in his/her life where we need to spice our life’s a bit, add some extras w]that would give our life a meaning, a meaning that would eventually defines us and our way of living,

challenges do so.. when you go for a challenge , when you set one and be determined and strong enough to accept it, thats a good start but the actual challenge is to keep moving until you reach the end successfully, the actual challenge is to finish what you have just decided to start.

in other words, some of us lose power along the road, some get tired, give up, forgot at some point why they have started this challenge from the first place, we sometimes reach a point where you start asking yourself ” is it really worthy? ” ” why am i doing so & so ? ” , we do not wanna keep fighting to reach the end line. we do want to have whatever we want easily without even a sweat drop.

you’ll never be satisfied or happy if never finished what you started, you may feel you are running out of your energy, but this means that you were fighting so do not let some moments stop you from moving forward , a step closer towards your success,

whenever you feel that you are about to give up, stay away from everything take a deep breath and take couple of minutes to remember why exactly you said before ” challenge accepted” , remember why you wanted to start this from the first place, write down the “WHY’s ” , write down what motivates you, if its not about motivation , if you are running away from something write down what is this particular thing, remind yourself of the main reasons, close your eyes and picture yourself twice , a one big picture when you made it to success and another picture with you giving up not giving yourself the chance to prove itself,

picture yourself in both situations and see where exactly will you feel satisfaction and fulfillment, 

lose yourself between your thoughts towards success , as i have just read ” “To lose yourself: a voluptuous surrender, lost in your arms, lost to the world, utterly immersed in what is present so that its surroundings fade away … to be lost is to be fully present, and to be fully present is to be capable of being in uncertainty and mystery.” ― Rebecca Solnit, A Field Guide to Getting Lost

don’t let the surroundings affect your decision, don’t let anybody take control over your life, be determined, draw your line and be unique,

walk in an endless motion towards your dream, fulfill your needs to be what you want, don’t think of what people might say about what you are doing, ignore people because nobody will want you to be a better person than yourself, don’t ask for help be independent and strong enough in a position where you are the one who is providing people with help,

you are responsible for your own masterpiece, accept the challenge and keep moving , use the power of positive thinking.  WALK THE LINE till the end.