Posted in 2017, Diary, facts, memories, thoughts, travel

Heart left & breath taken in Canada!


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2017 is coming to an end, and I would love to take this chance and express my gratitude for this beautiful year as I embarked on journey I never thought I would do. I experienced both good and bad moments, however I am still thankful for those bad ones. It means I have lived, experienced and learned something, I have a story to tell.

This year I traveled to Canada with a friend, a traveler who had visited the country many times before. The best travel buddy I had so far!

For couple of weeks I lived in Canada as a local. We wandered around, we drank coffee all the time, we ate burgers, we went shopping together, we laughed a lot and we fell in love. Yes we did!

It didn’t happen in one night and it didn’t start from scratch. We both had crush on each other for a while but no one had the guts to open up about it for so many different reasons. We broke free of this fear, in Canada.

This country managed to stole my heart twice! I fell in love with it’s beauty and I fell in love with HIM! I became sure of that. Every walk and every talk was a confirmation that he is where I belong and that we both belong big time to this beautiful country. His soul is as pure and beautiful as this country’s nature. His heart and the touch of his hand is as warm as Canada’s summer.

We explored our interests and our backgrounds as we explored the country. We explored it together!

We walked under the rain, we hiked, we visited locals, we ate local food, we canoed, we sang, we stayed up late in nights, we looked each other in the eye and our souls met! the more we talk, walk and laugh, the more I got attached, falling in love knowing that this is the one, and knowing that it would kill me afterwards.

My breath was taken as I hiked those highlands and as I looked him in the eye. I left my heart there and I never really got it back and I don’t think I ever will.

We came back as happy as we can be, but we brought back confusion to our relationship. Undefined. Feelings were expressed, nothing was said for a while and love was lost. Heart still left with Him and in Canada, breath still taken.

I will be forever grateful to those places we visited together, to those stories and laughs shared. To the heart that came back to life and to the soul that met it’s mate.

The long walks, the talks, the late dinners and car/bus rides, the places only we know and the moments lived in those couple of weeks. My unforgettable fairy tale that I highly wish that its ending would change with a happy, cozy one where we have one picture together again saving a moment of warmth and love as those hundreds we took before.

To Canada: Thank you, I won’t ever forget how you were nice to me.

To HIM: here are the words that you never heard from me, maybe one day I get the chance to say it out loud, but for now I will leave them here: I LOVE YOU.

 

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Posted in 2017, thoughts

Notes on hope!


Hope, Anne Frank, quote
Where there is hope, there is life!

This post today is a reminder to anyone (including me) who have lost hope that it takes time & patience for you to get what you want. That is simply the 2 factors of the hope equation..

For those who have lost hope to find their true love, or for those who have already found them and lost them for different reasons this story is for us to remember that there is still hope.

#The family friend:

Our friend H. years ago was engaged to the first girl he loved, their love didn’t make it to the alter because of some family issues so they broke up. He got married later had 3 kids and she did as well and had 2 girls, lived outside the country. Years later she got divorced, came back to the country to settle with her girls, and to our surprise he got divorced too! (Not because of her)

Their kids grew up and because they were living in the same neighbourhood they ran into each other and boom! Reunited.

Now they are married and their 5 kids are best friends. Everytime I see them I just can’t believe how the universe can work in mysterious ways to bring happiness to us if only we understand that it needs time & patience and also a belief that you’ll get the happiness that you deserve eventually.

I have recently lost the opportunity to be with the one I love, whom I think he was my true love. I keep reminding myself with story and many others that maybe the universe will work it out for me the same magical way it did with them.

There is this quote by Steve Jobs where he talked about how you can connect the dots backwards. So I believe we are on a path that is leading somewhere beautiful we might not be able to see it now but we’ll get the full picture when the time is right, we’ll look back with a smile of understanding how those loses, hardtimes & failures brought us to where we are now!

I am sending love and light to the one I love. And for whoever reads this I am sending love, light & hope your way may we all get what we want soon 🙂

Posted in 2017, Diary, thoughts

Word of the day: Acknowledgment 


I can’t help but think of “what if”! What if we have acknowledged each other’s feelings?

What if we talked about what happened instead of hiding behind those fake smiles and small talks?

What if we acknowledged the fact that yes we both made a mistake, unintentionally, but we are grown ups who can handle it and act upon it, not just act fine and ignore it.

Acknowledgment would have made it easier, but we chose the hard way!

Posted in facts, memories, quotes, thoughts

Action speaks louder than words.


Action speaks louder than words.

We might have came across this quote a lot; but we don’t usually think about it or even apply it in real life.

When you experience a situation in which you are facing any type of difficulty in your life; and all what you hear from people around is I wished to be there. I really wanted to, but i couldn’t. By this time you feel how powerful and meaningful is this quote.

People don’t want to hear that you wanted to be there for them. They need to feel your existence around.

Put yourself in people’s shoes; see how it feels when you are always hearing words that were never proven; see how it feels when someone keeps letting you down.

That cause bitterness. That my friends is a bond breaker. If you happen to have a bond of trust built between you and people around. The work you do is what keeps and strengthen it not only your words.

Kindly start taking this quote into consideration & see how it will affect your life & the one’s surrounding you as well. Leave a mark in people’s heart; let your actions speak for you; that’s how you will be remembered; not by the words you texted them.

Posted in current events, Diary, facts, thoughts, travel

God’s plan for me…


I am not a religious person; not religious enough to be honest but i do believe in God and i do believe in his plan..
through my entire life which is not that long btw ( 20 something years ) I have witnessed how can we plan for something and pray for it really hard but then luckily it doesn’t happen the way you wanted because of two things whether it was really bad to you won’t help you getting any better or otherwise God has already planned for something way better ..
And am here not saying just words; writing poetry on God’s will but i have lived some situations that are a living proof of the :” better plan ” ..

let me just state some; as a matter of gratefulness to God and reminding myself as well that the current plan am asking for might be good and i’ll have it one day if not then yes i believe the best is yet to come – again not living in an ivory tower or being overly optimistic – ..

these better plans were made clear enough in my career and my personal life..
Starting with the personal one..
let me just state a fact that i am not that good when it comes to relationships; inexperienced maybe ! `not lucky enough maybe ! haven’t met the right one until now definitely .. but still the fact is am not that expert in dealing with men when it has something to do with emotions / feelings / love n bla bla

So as we stated this fact – that am not really proud of – i got used to fall for the wrong ones / the fucked up ones mostly..
and eventually i take decisions or start to have dreams and plan for something with each and everyone and the scenario starts like this :
” We talk, someone shows he care, I do as well then i have this question : ” how come you are single ? you are just awesome ” then i start to really like how is it going and how the curve of probability of having something real is getting higher; then i show do care a lot; like a lot and stating one more fact as am an expert in this are believe me 😀 men don’t like how much you do care about them; don’t show them you are really into them at the beginning cause once they felt that they run away and don’t ask honestly i don’t have a freakin’ idea why ..
so continuing the scenario I care they run away.. so am still trying to figure out what happens between ” You are just awesome & complete ignorance ”
then at this point i have already reached the spot where i really got used to talking to this guy like each and every day if not every hour / minute .. and let me just say this am not the one who triggers these conversations at the beginning so its you how took us there..
anyway as i am already choosing to be with the completely wrong ones since the beginning ignoring each and every fact that might ruin this whole thing; sometimes ignoring the fact that we won’t get along with each other for so many freakin’ reasons;
So after planning every time and having a little piece of me going away getting harder and unbreakable killing my heart more to stop falling again and never repeating the scenario

God shows me his plan; he shows me why he hasn’t approved my prayers; masks start to fall and i see the ugly face of these people; their intentions and what exactly could have happened if we took one step forward
God shows me the truth of the person who tried to break me; who wanted to take me just as another antique at his home and a lot more;
so every time am about to doubt ” God aren’t you hearing my prayers ?! and if you do then why aren’t you approving them ” just before i doubt he reveals the answer..

and for that am grateful; yes thank you i believe in your better plan even if i have been broken several times; I know you’ll make it up for me one day;
and i know that you see am still not ready enough to be in the life time relationship so you are preparing me well to it; learning step by step..

Coming to God’s plan in my career life; i am overwhelmed seriously;
as Liz Gilbert said in Eat Pray Love : ” Am a big fan of your work ”
yes I am actually..
just have a look on how is preparing me to each and every step..
considering the fact of a graduate who hasn’t dealt with real life situations enough; inexperienced; been the star of the house so i had everything i needed when i ask; never worked for something that hard; not responsible and committed enough

So i started work in a place where I learned how to deal with people and God was kind enough to put in a place with nice / helpful people at the beginning so i don’t freak out; cause if they weren’t i would have hated work and might have quit as well and never be back again..
then he gave me opportunity to move to a better place where it came a bit tougher; I have learned responsibility and complete full commitment; along with the toughness I had the nicest people around ever starting from colleagues to my assistants and my manager – which wasn’t expected – i swear the nicest ever and we are friends until now even after one year from leaving this work place..
moving to the next step; having already learned being responsible and committed; i moved to a place with less toughness a lower quality so i was like a big fish in a small pond but that helped in making me shine in the place; helping me to deal with different situations a complicated ones as they were already handling these complicated cases to me to solve
doing my job and extra ones cause they know the quality of my work and how i could get it done in 3 minutes literally;
achieving my target in staying for a workplace a bit longer than the past ones that helped me in learning to overcome my fear of routine; yes i still hate it but i gt used to it
i used to be a person who can’t keep friends; can’t keep work because i simply can’t handle dealing with people or dealing in situation for long time.. its just not me; and this wasn’t good i know; knowing that this won’t help me getting any better in my future; if i want to live a life full with success and people around i needed to learn how to stay and stop running away if something is getting closer to me;
Thanks to you God again for turning me to a better person; a better version of me;

Now because of this path; because of what i have been through; and having the ability to figure our=t what i really want in my career and what i don’t; refusing offers that sounded really good to anyone but me; God has gave me the gift of having what i want finally;
working in something i really like; getting the chance of having closer look on my favorite process on earth which is traveling; i wouldn’t have been accepted if haven’t passed through all these steps; meeting all these people getting to know different personalities; having the experience of what to say, what not to and when.. that’s a blessing

I believe in you God; I believe in your plan..
Thank you :)))

Posted in 2013, quotes, thoughts

after all, who are you?!


 

the women quotes

 

i don’t wanna get to this point of my life; looking backwards regretting everything, feeling unsatisfied

just like Mary at “The Women” movie when she found out at certain time she is nothing, and her busy life being a wife/mom have turned her old big dreams away, well she was lucky that she was able to accomplish her mission & changed when she woke up from her nightmare (past),, but who says its a rule and whenever you wake up you will be able to do whatever you want, i think we should watch our steps from the beginnings, every step, every choice we take build a part of our future

every time i see this movie i ask myself “what about you?” “what do i want?” , sometimes you live life just for others and you forget about yourself and your dream at this moment exactly i wonder how many lives do i have exactly not to grab any opportunity and fulfill my dreams

i don’t wanna have this “Mary” life the careless women the mother and the wife ,, am totally not ready for this; i am ready to spend every minute of my life as i want not under the control of any other circumstances

Posted in 2013, Diary, thoughts

People in phases


Well from the very little experience I had in this life I could summarize people and their attitudes in life into 3 categories/phases.

Phase ǀ : denial

Phase ǁ : adaptation

Phase ǀǀǀ : leading

Those who live in the denial phase still do not want to believe that change had happened, they don’t accept the fact that their “usual” has become “exceptional” ; their surroundings has changed, their balance has been disturbed; whether because of some of their friends/family/relatives/..etc has left/moved/changed to the worse or because of their inability to adapt with the new ”technological” world, they might be denying the fact that relations mostly nowadays depend on interests/benefits only; and mainly people in this phase refuse to get away from customs and traditions they are strict to their rules.

On the other hand, people in second one the adaptation phase might have a slight difference from the denial one; as they had fought, tried & their experience led to their capability, willingness to adapt & change, they have learned the lesson, they can deal with technology, understood that people may know you just for their benefits but you gotta keep them around, learned to step forward; to throw everything behind their back unlike those in the 1st phase they are stuck in the past.

The last phase “the leading phase”; in a proper order it is the first, they are the change makers, they are on the top of the pyramid and the rest are followers; whether they are the ones who created technology or the first to use it, they aren’t scared to try, able to change for better or for worse just to reach their destiny/position, they are motivators for some followers mainly for those in the second phase; but sometimes they are the monster/nightmares for those in phase 1 as they consider them the ones who created the change, the ones who turned life upside down; they invaded the world with new thoughts/rules/traditions they are not willing to be controlled over by some stupid old rules from the past, they create their own world and followers keep trying to have the same

I believe there is another kind don’t belong to any of those which is the mix between the 3 , they are stuck in the past, willing to change and creating their own unique world but they are not followers; I think I belong to this type

Where do you belong ??

Posted in 2013, Diary, memories, thoughts

The reflex action


Everyone knows that for every action there is a reaction.

But there is not a rule which states that for this certain “action” there has to be this certain “reaction”; this rule doesn’t exist

The reaction is just a very spontaneous reflection which comes out according to what we’ve just heard or seen; it depends on the situation & the surrounding circumstances

When they try to capture this ‘reaction’ moment in movies they use stereotyping,

The majority is using the same basic idea for a ‘reaction’, for example in any of the movies if it happened &there was a death scene usually they tend to use the same ‘reaction’; the one who have just heard the bad news or saw someone dead they start crying and shouting hysterically without even giving time to this character to think about what they have just heard or seen

I’m not saying it happens in all movies but most of them tend to use stereotyping;

Yes this hysterical ‘reactions’ happen in real life but it’s not the only one,

For me I have never imagined myself in similar situations, never thought of what will happen if I was told that anybody I know is dead & as I used to think of myself as a weak person  – I always had this perception of me – falling, crying hysterically .

But when it did happen & I was told that my uncle was dead, I was surprised really surprised of my “reaction”; my family and my uncle used to live in the same building two floors away, so I used to see him a lot, when he got sick and moved to the hospital it was only couple of days then at one day we had this phone call saying its emergency you have to be at the hospital now, it was 9:00 am so my parents left & I was all alone after 2 or 3 hrs I found a cousin standing at our door, ringing the bell, I opened the door, asked her how is uncle and she replied with very low voice as if she was whispering, she was too reluctant to talk then she said it out loud “ your uncle is dead now, pray for him”; here comes the surprise, all what I did is standing with an open mouth for seconds and that’s it, no crying, no screaming, nothing of these things that we are used to, just sat down thinking of what she just said & the crying thing came afterwards at night when we were with his family after the funeral.

the same thing happened to me again in 2009,it was my first year at college & I was in the middle of my exams, when we had this shocking news; we knew my father had colon cancer, it’s diff. the way you used to deal with the word “cancer” all your life, feel sorry for these people who have it, it’s totally diff. when you have it in your own home & it happens to choose the most important person in your life, the same ‘reaction’ happened .. No crying, no screaming, no extreme attitude; all what happened is that I was under the shock, it felt like “everything is under control but actually it is not “I remained in this shock until the operation day.

At this point exactly everything was turned upside down, at first I walked into the hospital holding his hand calm and quiet, it was fine until the moment that I saw him on the troll in that blue shirt to be ready for the surgery, I burst out with tears, was crying like I have never cried before, thankfully he had the surgery done and he is fine now.

So I think I am one of those who remain under the shock for a while & then starts to realize how big the situation is & it turns out that I’m not that weak girl who will fall down the moment she hears anything bad, no I am not like the stereotyping character in movies not at all.

In fact I don’t even know whether this is good or not ??!

Posted in memories, thoughts

list of things replaced by modern technology .


50 things replaced by modern technology .

i have just read a post on Michelle guo blog :” http://mashable.com/2013/01/22/50-things-replaced-technology/

it mentioned the Mashable list for 50 things that have been replaced by modern technology , but here is my list of things i wish weren’t replaced by modern technology ,

#1 look up something in the dictionary: remember when we were kids how we used to ran to the dictionary to look up for a meaning of a word that we don’t understand , it felt like you were exploring something new, i think the effort we used to do to look up the meaning made that meaning memorable , its not like now when you need to know a meaning you look it up on Google translate.

#2 Watch videos & DVDs: when i was a kid we used to pay a visit at weekends for the video store to borrow a video tap a movie or a play or whatever , preparing for movie nights was really one of my favourite things.

#3 make a photo album: of course by having Facebook albums and Instagram there is no need to make a photo albums , i have made so many albums, an album of my pictures when i was a little kid , an album for hangouts with school friends ,album for family gatherings , and albums for my favourite football players ( yes i am a girl and i love football , i used to attend every training of my favourite team ) , albums for my favourite bands , singers , actors . but now there is no need to bother making an album for your favourite stars you have IMDP , and no need to make a photo album for you and your friends as long as you have facebook but it will be only your loss that you will never have the chance to hold these photos on your hand and look close in them and remember your old days when you look at them years later and you will not be able to stick those photos on your wall by modern technology.

#4 Record favorite programs using recorder: old movies ,plays , my parents weddings ,birthdays , favorite cartoons ..etc

#5 print photographs

#6 Hand written letters: i still remember when i was young i used to write many hand-written letters, used to write ones to my parents too , from time to time we check those and we laugh till we cry of how silly and innocent when we were young , how we used to draw a design each letter and the small drawings we draw beside our words ,it was fun 😀

#7 Watch tv shows at the time they are shown: we used to set everything earlier before the show begins , instead of what we do now we don’t care if we missed it we will watch it online , its good but what we used to do had a very special taste of entertainment , everything was different.

#8 Buy flowers from the florist: man ! flowers used to be a very respectful and appreciated gift , i remember buying flowers for my mom and grand-ma in ” mothers day ” , or when i want to apologize to someone i used to buy flowers , but i do not do that anymore , and when i do i buy those ready bouquets in the supermarket 😦

this is what i can think of right now 😉 write your list and share your memories 🙂