Posted in Uncategorized

How to Cope with Negative Emotions on Your Own Terms


MakeItUltra™

By Dr. Perry, PhD


Every day we have plenty of opportunities to get angry, stressed or offended. But what you’re doing when you indulge these negative emotions is giving something outside yourself power over your happiness.” ~ Joel Osteen

I am a mental health professional but I am also human and I like you experience a wide range of emotions. I am not a superhero with an impenetrable shield that causes all negative feelings to bounce off my chest. These emotions do penetrate my inner core but I have learned to set aside my personal hardships in order to properly guide my patients. There is a sanctity in the therapy room and the responsibility of helping others gain insight through what is often, difficult inner exploration must be respected above everything else.

In the therapy room, I cannot allow any personal hardships that I may be experiencing to contaminate the…

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Posted in 2018, Free Writing, poetry, thoughts

He called me ugly…


I got the girl, I am not in good shape. I know.

But that is how it is supposed to be after delivering a newborn.

With baby T. this look wasn’t concerning me; I was happy and he was too.

I have seen how beautiful I was in his eyes. I got him the family. Now baby M. came to life. My shape got worse and my attention to him got less. I have 2 babies!

His ego didn’t understand that he is no longer the center of my universe.

So he had a mistress. I know.

I know because his eyes spelled it. His hands weren’t looking for mine.

My body didn’t interest him anymore. He needed her.

He joked about how I looked. It killed me inside, but I’d smile.

He called me ugly and I couldn’t blame him. I was sure I could get in shape again. I was sure he’d stop saying her name in his sleep.

He called me ugly, he called me useless, and he called me mommy.

I was sure I’d be the lover and the partner again.

I knew I am home. I am where he has headed every night. I had and still have him by my side. She might have took some of his time. But I am his time. My baby girls are his time.

He called me ugly and I forgave him. I forgave him every time I look at baby T.’s eyes or hold M.’s fingers. We made them together.

I knew I’d have his eyes wandering my body again, looking for what he had missed. I knew I’d bring him back home.

To me.

SH

Posted in 2018, Free Writing, memories, poetry, thoughts

I remember. #Remembering Granny


I remember how black was only for old women who grieve. Black was 40 days. Black was tears. Black was a the last of breaths, and the last of words. Black was her home when she left. The home that used to be the sun. It once had rainbows and it once had warmth.

She left.

Black swallowed the rainbow. The sun shed the lights on her new home. And the home we always knew, wasn’t warm any more.

Beige. That is what I remember. Beige was the cemetery. This beige swallowed the crowd with her body and since then the world got crueler.

I remember, how my dad tried to find new routes away from every cemetery in town. I’d cry like a baby to sleep. Her picture was never gone.

Time passed, and the pain lessened but the wound never healed. Her place was never filled.

Forever in my heart,

To grandma

 

Posted in 2018, Diary, Inspiration, thoughts

Sunday Check-in: Mind Training


It has been a week since I started the #5Second Rule Challenge by Mel Robbins. Awakening Experience.

Not that I have turned into a super active woman, but it has brought to my attention that the negative crap is in my mind. I am the one who is stopping me from moving forward. I am the one who is constantly making the decision to procrastinate and postpone any possible progress.

The challenge has helped me move, it has helped me to get up and show at work with a positive mindset. It has helped me on some days to pray on time. It has helped me to get my to-do lists done.

I can’t say its not effective! It made me realize that every time I am lazy, procrastinating or stuck in my thoughts it is simply because its not on the top of my mind. I tend to forget that I am in a challenge. I sometimes get busy thinking, dwelling on what if and stuff that I forget the urge of following the rule!

The challenge is to get over my mind. To control it. It is full of crap! And it is so noticeable once you stop and analyze. Where is this mind taking me? How is this mindset affecting my productivity? And how is it helping my future self?

So this week, as I continue to apply the challenge on many areas of my life. I am fighting my mind and my habit to procrastinate.

I have done a lot last week, between the writing workshop, work, friends and family. But still, I can do better.

Cheers,

Posted in 2018, Free Writing, poetry

It was written in the stars…


It was written in the stars

that our paths will cross.

It was for a reason

They always say,

It is either a lesson or a blessing

It was written in the stars

that you’ll be my lesson.

You taught me more about myself,

The more I fell in love with you

the more I hated myself.

It was written in the stars

that you’ll be my sin,

that I will remain on my knees

Praying for forgiveness,

praying to regain

this misplaced heart of mine.

It was written in the stars

that our paths will cross

It was for a reason,

It is either a lesson or a blessing

And you, my love, were never the blessing.

 

 

Photo credit: aestheticxgrunge from Deviant Art
Posted in 2018, Diary, Free Writing

A letter from the other woman…


Dear You,

I know that upon receiving this letter, your view of the world will change forever.

And I am not talking about the world we all live in and share, I am talking about your world.

The world you created with him. I am talking about him.

See, a year ago we met, we never had the intention of hurting you. But we did.

We never planned to find comfort in each other. We never planned that our worlds would collide if we didn’t have each other. He used to say your name at first, but now he is saying my name!

I know every time he had you in bed, he had me in mind instead.

He was torn inside, I could tell and I am sure you could too. He has two worlds, a world of freedom  and the other world is settlement. A world of family and stability, but a world that lacked taste of wild life. And I am wilderness. We embarked on this adventure together without a map.

I know you knew about us, I know because I heard it over your fights with him over the phone when he was between my arms. We would smoke and talk about it. I never talked ill of you. I just want you to know that, even if it doesn’t matter. But I wanted you out of the picture. I wanted him. But he was so scared to leave you and I never asked him to because I knew it. He would lose you, the boys, the prestige and the world he known for 10 years. He is not a risk taker, He would not leave everything behind for me. But he wanted me on the side. His ego and selfishness wouldn’t let me go easily.

I just wanted love, the love that he poured on my body. The extra care, the beauty of the beginnings. But I know this wouldn’t have lasted. You see, the beauty of the beginnings is gone and all what is left is his bare soul, the sore childhood and the bitterness of his tongue. He has left marks on my body, not scratches, he left scars that won’t ever heal. So instead of wanting you out of the picture, I walked out of it. I am no longer waiting for him to be available after dropping you off at your parents house, dropping the boys at school, finishing work and then he’d throw me a bone, some of his time.

I am letting you know, I broke free of his venom, and he is all yours now.

Here is a little piece of advice. I am telling you its a dangerous world out there and you have a hunter, yes a hunter. He hunts for love, lust and affection. Things he missed out on his entire life. Give him plenty of that or he will find it somewhere else.

I know you love the boys and they keep you handful but remember that he should come first sometimes. Let him feel that he is your top priority and that he is desired again. Contain him.

Last but not least, forgive him. He is a human. We all fall preys to our desires sometime. Remember that he chose you. It was you all the way from the beginning.

And if you can, please forgive me! I never meant to hurt you, I never meant to be the other woman. I am a human too and I fell, I made a mistake and now I am trying to make it right.

l

Posted in 2018, Inspiration

Positivity Capsule: 5-min of Jay Shetty


If you read my previous blog then you know am on a mission of turning my life into a productive one. And because that doesn’t happen in a blink of an eye, there is work that has to be done everyday.

As a starter I begin my day at work with a motivational video or an inspiration speech on youtube. You can check: Jay Shetty, Mel Robbins, Simon Sinek, Tom Bilyeu, and the list goes on.

Today, I have came across this video for Jay Shetty about “Procrastination”. So here I am writing his words down, as a self-reminder. I am re-reading those words to my mind.

“I hope this never happens to you, but the truth is everything is uncertain.

We can’t control time, we can’t control the future.

But we can choose how we feel today. We can choose what we do today. We can choose who we meet today and where we go.

Stop waiting for Fridays, stop waiting for the Summer, stop waiting for the ideal job, stop waiting for someone to spot your talent.

It is not about waiting, but about making the most of each moment right now.

Ask yourself, if this is this was the last day of your life is this how you would like to spend it mentally.

Up here.

You might not be able to change what you do, but you can change how you feel about it.

If you have to spend the day at work, ask yourself, how can I make it more meaningful?

If you are at home with your family, ask yourself, how can I make it more fulfilling.

If you are around people you don’t like, move we are not trees.

And if you are in a toxic environment, learn to protect yourself.

And no matter how little you have or how tough things are, see where you can be grateful.

That book that’s been on your mind, write it.

That video that you’ve been scripting, shoot it.

That business that you want to launch, start it.

That skill that you’ve been wanting to gain, learn it.

Don’t wait for the perfect moment, take the moment and make it perfect.

Never regret a day in your life.

Good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience.

The worst days give you lessons, the best days give you memories.”

I am applying this on me today, and I hope you do too.

How can I make my day at work more meaningful? – I am getting all the pendings done and hopefully have time to re-start the online course I have registered to months ago.

I might not be at the best shape right now physically, mentally and emotionally. But I know I am gonna get myself somewhere nice. So today, I am grateful I have work. I am grateful I have learned something from my past experiences that made me stick around a little longer than I expected.

I need to have control back over my life slightly and that is the plan.

Back to Mel Robbins advice. 5-second rule. 5,4,3,2,1 … GO!

A new fresh day is here and I have no intention to waste it.

Good morning everyone,

Video link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tfAAQWdjLnw 

Posted in 2018, challenge, current events, Diary, thoughts

The 5-Second Rule: ON! The Journey from Autopilot to Decision Maker.


Attempt to success number 1000.

Why Now?

A year and a half ago I started losing interest in life in general, work specifically, which in turn affected my level of productivity in everything else.

I barely do anything that matters. I waste my time watching Netflix, while I could spend it taking that course that I registered for online (and it was helping me big time.)

I stopped running. I stopped even taking those long evening walks that helped me refresh my mind.

I find myself googling “how to find a purpose for your life?”. And that continues almost everyday. I google motivation, inspiration, passion, etc. all those chunky words that all of a sudden lost their meaning to me.

What Triggered it?

Today, as I was watching couple of “motivational videos” on you tube, trying to get my shit together to find the ability to work. I came across this video: “The Secret to Self-Motivation“. A 22-minute video from an interview with Mel Robbins on the Impact Theory. She talked about how she lost everything in her life, how failure was shaping here present and hence her future. And so after couple of months she managed to get up, leave bed, and do the required work to get where she wanted. Simple, baby steps. Don’t hit the snooze button. Eat healthy breakfast. Look for a job. And the list goes on.

The Solution:

In the video, she mentions how she came up with a “5 second rule” that would freeze the mind from thinking, freeze all those procrastinating thoughts and change the gear from thinking and doubting to doing.

So here I am, hoping to change, willing to with every single part of my body.

I am embarking on a journey of change from Autopilot to Decision Maker.

ACTION!

I am taking one month, embarking on a journey that seems very hard to me, because it means I will silent my mind completely and get to do things that aren’t comfortable, and easy. It means pushing myself out of my comfort zone. I am breaking free of my thoughts, the cage that I have locked myself into long time now and has got me nowhere.

I am starting the 5-second rule. NOW! Am on for 1 month. I will make it 4 phases so that I don’t get disappointed and feel encouraged week after week. I will evaluate the success of this challenge at the end of every week. So by next Sunday, there should be progress.

This challenge applies on work, home, food, everything that will help me be better before the end of 2018. I want to remember this year as the year of real change, not the year I wasted wallowing, thinking of him, and the year I failed at work.

The Challenge is On! 

Duration: 16th of September – 16th of October.

I will post regular updates here, so your words of encouragement will be a great support. Also, if you came across this and you wanted to join the challenge please do let me know so that I don’t be alone this 🙂

Lets do it.

 

 

Posted in 2018, Free Writing, thoughts

On Strength.


Strength is that call you make right after your favorite uncle’s death to tell everyone he is gone.

Strength is holding your breath when you knew your dad has stage 2 cancer.

You keep assuring people you are strong, but they keep saying that’s just what you want to think.

They haven’t seen you, they haven’t seen how you see him everyday after he broke your heart and you are acting just fine.

They define strength with sharpness. They see strength as a heartless, cold person who doesn’t give a sh** about the world. But strength for you is different!

Its falling in love but staying half conscious to save yourself when needed.

Strength and confidence are best fits or so I think. Sometimes it comes in the form of sitting alone having dinner all by yourself in a community that would think you are crazy if you did. And sometimes it comes in the form of handling death starting with that phone call you make to tell everyone it happened.

What is strength for you?

Posted in 2018, Diary, poetry, thoughts

Perfectionists are not Allowed! #UnfinishedWork


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Somewhere only we know </3

They taught me how to say ” Astaghferu Allah”. They say it helps in the healing process.

So I remembered their words!

“Astaghferu Allah”

I get busy and bury myself in endless tasks at work.

I read your name on my mobile. I get stuck.

Eyes fixed on the screen, mind reliving our moments together.

“Astaghferu Allah”, I say.

“Focus. You have work to do, deadlines to meet. Focus.” – said the distracted mind.

I saw you. I saw you putting your arms around her as you walked down the hall.

It makes sense! She is now closer to you than I used to do. The sight of you two puts extra weight on my heart, but I push a smile anyway.

That is what they taught me. Fake it until you make it. So I try.

A sigh.

“Astaghferu Allah”

I am on my way home, I pass by your house. Your perfume “my favorite” is in the air.

Heart pounding. Heartbeats racing. Tears pouring.

I catch myself crying. Stop! Remember the smile. So I smile.

“Astaghferu Allah”

I walk. Faster steps, unsteady but fast.

I leave with no look backs for today!

I repeat “Astaghferu Allah”. They said it is a pain killer, so I overdosed it.

 

— Astaghferu Allah: is a religious saying in Islam that means Ask for God’s forgiveness, help, and support. A mean of worship that is always thought to be good to start your prayers with. —

 

DISCLAIMER: This is not the final version. It is subjected to edits that should be applied soon.

Would love to hear feedback thou! Thanks xoxo