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Slight, unexpected, nervous breakdown

It just got out of control now, I had a slight nervous breakdown, which is indication for the how big the upcoming one will be. Which is scary, I will be back to square 1 again.

I don’t know whether it is because today I have just lost my job, not a very promising one but I hoped I could stay a little longer.

Maybe because I have put an effort into a place and it was mostly invisible. Zero appreciation from management. Total loss, & waste of time.

It might be because one of my very good friends is leaving for good. He is immigrating to a new country with whole new life, and when I looked back we were too busy enjoying our life that we almost forgot to take one good picture for us together. And am thinking what about those undocumented moments. I just don’t want them to fade with time.

Maybe because I hate change, and a lot have been changing lately. Today, losing the job; tomorrow the friend leaves and on top of that my mom’s sickness and that awful feeling that has been haunting me of losing someone close. I live every moment with only one half of my being. One half is happy living the moment and the other is sadly observing, capturing the moment in the memory for later.

I might have lost it all now because of the waiting for the unknown, I am waiting for this thing to happen which will determine the next big step in my life.

Also I have every reason to lose my mind, I am still trying to stay sane and calm. But I know if it gone a little bit further with any of the above, it will be a mess.