Posted in 2017, thoughts

Notes on hope!


Hope, Anne Frank, quote
Where there is hope, there is life!

This post today is a reminder to anyone (including me) who have lost hope that it takes time & patience for you to get what you want. That is simply the 2 factors of the hope equation..

For those who have lost hope to find their true love, or for those who have already found them and lost them for different reasons this story is for us to remember that there is still hope.

#The family friend:

Our friend H. years ago was engaged to the first girl he loved, their love didn’t make it to the alter because of some family issues so they broke up. He got married later had 3 kids and she did as well and had 2 girls, lived outside the country. Years later she got divorced, came back to the country to settle with her girls, and to our surprise he got divorced too! (Not because of her)

Their kids grew up and because they were living in the same neighbourhood they ran into each other and boom! Reunited.

Now they are married and their 5 kids are best friends. Everytime I see them I just can’t believe how the universe can work in mysterious ways to bring happiness to us if only we understand that it needs time & patience and also a belief that you’ll get the happiness that you deserve eventually.

I have recently lost the opportunity to be with the one I love, whom I think he was my true love. I keep reminding myself with story and many others that maybe the universe will work it out for me the same magical way it did with them.

There is this quote by Steve Jobs where he talked about how you can connect the dots backwards. So I believe we are on a path that is leading somewhere beautiful we might not be able to see it now but we’ll get the full picture when the time is right, we’ll look back with a smile of understanding how those loses, hardtimes & failures brought us to where we are now!

I am sending love and light to the one I love. And for whoever reads this I am sending love, light & hope your way may we all get what we want soon 🙂

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Posted in 2017, Diary, thoughts

Word of the day: Acknowledgment 


I can’t help but think of “what if”! What if we have acknowledged each other’s feelings?

What if we talked about what happened instead of hiding behind those fake smiles and small talks?

What if we acknowledged the fact that yes we both made a mistake, unintentionally, but we are grown ups who can handle it and act upon it, not just act fine and ignore it.

Acknowledgment would have made it easier, but we chose the hard way!

Posted in Uncategorized

Slight, unexpected, nervous breakdown


It just got out of control now, I had a slight nervous breakdown, which is indication for the how big the upcoming one will be. Which is scary, I will be back to square 1 again.

I don’t know whether it is because today I have just lost my job, not a very promising one but I hoped I could stay a little longer.

Maybe because I have put an effort into a place and it was mostly invisible. Zero appreciation from management. Total loss, & waste of time.

It might be because one of my very good friends is leaving for good. He is immigrating to a new country with whole new life, and when I looked back we were too busy enjoying our life that we almost forgot to take one good picture for us together. And am thinking what about those undocumented moments. I just don’t want them to fade with time.

Maybe because I hate change, and a lot have been changing lately. Today, losing the job; tomorrow the friend leaves and on top of that my mom’s sickness and that awful feeling that has been haunting me of losing someone close. I live every moment with only one half of my being. One half is happy living the moment and the other is sadly observing, capturing the moment in the memory for later.

I might have lost it all now because of the waiting for the unknown, I am waiting for this thing to happen which will determine the next big step in my life.

Also I have every reason to lose my mind, I am still trying to stay sane and calm. But I know if it gone a little bit further with any of the above, it will be a mess.

 

 

 

Posted in facts, memories, quotes, thoughts

Action speaks louder than words.


Action speaks louder than words.

We might have came across this quote a lot; but we don’t usually think about it or even apply it in real life.

When you experience a situation in which you are facing any type of difficulty in your life; and all what you hear from people around is I wished to be there. I really wanted to, but i couldn’t. By this time you feel how powerful and meaningful is this quote.

People don’t want to hear that you wanted to be there for them. They need to feel your existence around.

Put yourself in people’s shoes; see how it feels when you are always hearing words that were never proven; see how it feels when someone keeps letting you down.

That cause bitterness. That my friends is a bond breaker. If you happen to have a bond of trust built between you and people around. The work you do is what keeps and strengthen it not only your words.

Kindly start taking this quote into consideration & see how it will affect your life & the one’s surrounding you as well. Leave a mark in people’s heart; let your actions speak for you; that’s how you will be remembered; not by the words you texted them.

Posted in current events, Diary, facts, thoughts, travel

God’s plan for me…


I am not a religious person; not religious enough to be honest but i do believe in God and i do believe in his plan..
through my entire life which is not that long btw ( 20 something years ) I have witnessed how can we plan for something and pray for it really hard but then luckily it doesn’t happen the way you wanted because of two things whether it was really bad to you won’t help you getting any better or otherwise God has already planned for something way better ..
And am here not saying just words; writing poetry on God’s will but i have lived some situations that are a living proof of the :” better plan ” ..

let me just state some; as a matter of gratefulness to God and reminding myself as well that the current plan am asking for might be good and i’ll have it one day if not then yes i believe the best is yet to come – again not living in an ivory tower or being overly optimistic – ..

these better plans were made clear enough in my career and my personal life..
Starting with the personal one..
let me just state a fact that i am not that good when it comes to relationships; inexperienced maybe ! `not lucky enough maybe ! haven’t met the right one until now definitely .. but still the fact is am not that expert in dealing with men when it has something to do with emotions / feelings / love n bla bla

So as we stated this fact – that am not really proud of – i got used to fall for the wrong ones / the fucked up ones mostly..
and eventually i take decisions or start to have dreams and plan for something with each and everyone and the scenario starts like this :
” We talk, someone shows he care, I do as well then i have this question : ” how come you are single ? you are just awesome ” then i start to really like how is it going and how the curve of probability of having something real is getting higher; then i show do care a lot; like a lot and stating one more fact as am an expert in this are believe me 😀 men don’t like how much you do care about them; don’t show them you are really into them at the beginning cause once they felt that they run away and don’t ask honestly i don’t have a freakin’ idea why ..
so continuing the scenario I care they run away.. so am still trying to figure out what happens between ” You are just awesome & complete ignorance ”
then at this point i have already reached the spot where i really got used to talking to this guy like each and every day if not every hour / minute .. and let me just say this am not the one who triggers these conversations at the beginning so its you how took us there..
anyway as i am already choosing to be with the completely wrong ones since the beginning ignoring each and every fact that might ruin this whole thing; sometimes ignoring the fact that we won’t get along with each other for so many freakin’ reasons;
So after planning every time and having a little piece of me going away getting harder and unbreakable killing my heart more to stop falling again and never repeating the scenario

God shows me his plan; he shows me why he hasn’t approved my prayers; masks start to fall and i see the ugly face of these people; their intentions and what exactly could have happened if we took one step forward
God shows me the truth of the person who tried to break me; who wanted to take me just as another antique at his home and a lot more;
so every time am about to doubt ” God aren’t you hearing my prayers ?! and if you do then why aren’t you approving them ” just before i doubt he reveals the answer..

and for that am grateful; yes thank you i believe in your better plan even if i have been broken several times; I know you’ll make it up for me one day;
and i know that you see am still not ready enough to be in the life time relationship so you are preparing me well to it; learning step by step..

Coming to God’s plan in my career life; i am overwhelmed seriously;
as Liz Gilbert said in Eat Pray Love : ” Am a big fan of your work ”
yes I am actually..
just have a look on how is preparing me to each and every step..
considering the fact of a graduate who hasn’t dealt with real life situations enough; inexperienced; been the star of the house so i had everything i needed when i ask; never worked for something that hard; not responsible and committed enough

So i started work in a place where I learned how to deal with people and God was kind enough to put in a place with nice / helpful people at the beginning so i don’t freak out; cause if they weren’t i would have hated work and might have quit as well and never be back again..
then he gave me opportunity to move to a better place where it came a bit tougher; I have learned responsibility and complete full commitment; along with the toughness I had the nicest people around ever starting from colleagues to my assistants and my manager – which wasn’t expected – i swear the nicest ever and we are friends until now even after one year from leaving this work place..
moving to the next step; having already learned being responsible and committed; i moved to a place with less toughness a lower quality so i was like a big fish in a small pond but that helped in making me shine in the place; helping me to deal with different situations a complicated ones as they were already handling these complicated cases to me to solve
doing my job and extra ones cause they know the quality of my work and how i could get it done in 3 minutes literally;
achieving my target in staying for a workplace a bit longer than the past ones that helped me in learning to overcome my fear of routine; yes i still hate it but i gt used to it
i used to be a person who can’t keep friends; can’t keep work because i simply can’t handle dealing with people or dealing in situation for long time.. its just not me; and this wasn’t good i know; knowing that this won’t help me getting any better in my future; if i want to live a life full with success and people around i needed to learn how to stay and stop running away if something is getting closer to me;
Thanks to you God again for turning me to a better person; a better version of me;

Now because of this path; because of what i have been through; and having the ability to figure our=t what i really want in my career and what i don’t; refusing offers that sounded really good to anyone but me; God has gave me the gift of having what i want finally;
working in something i really like; getting the chance of having closer look on my favorite process on earth which is traveling; i wouldn’t have been accepted if haven’t passed through all these steps; meeting all these people getting to know different personalities; having the experience of what to say, what not to and when.. that’s a blessing

I believe in you God; I believe in your plan..
Thank you :)))

Posted in Uncategorized

What matters is to show up; only show up.


Life keeps unstoppably teaching us lessons; and one of the most recent ones I have learned was knowing the importance of showing up no matter what happened. Show Up.

Show up for the people you love.

Show up in every occasion if possible; people are respecting you enough to share important moments of their lives with you; don’t shut them off & turn your back to their invitations.

Show up because you care.

Show up because you can.

Show up because you are still alive; create a memory that lasts in your mind & in people’s one too.

– When in to comes to an end; when each & every one of us leaves this earth our bodies will fade but what will only remain is the warmth of our souls; the softness of our words; our presence back then when we had the chance; that’s the only thing that will remain the memories & moments you shared with people; that’s how you’ll be remembered & that’s how your name will live forever.

Create your own moments when you have the chance.

Show up in people’s precious moments the saddest before the happiest.

Be there for people in your life. – if you don’t please don’t expect anybody to be there for you in return anytime -.

I have learned lately to stop making excuses; I used to live in my own world; not caring that much to the importance of people around;

but then i realized that part of having a really good life is to be there whenever possible.

I used to ignore most of the outings with friends because am too happy having other stuff to do it my way; but taking a look back i noticed how disrespectful is that; why would I keep people away;

And on the other side; I have learned that no matter how much I hate a person; disregarding too many facts you have to be there in the saddest moments even if you hate this person. you still have to show up.

It matters.

Because you never wanna end as a reaction not the action itself. Showing up is good.

So be good.

that’s what life taught me; Be good; Show up, It really really matters.

 

Posted in Uncategorized

Writer Victory!—Change Your Mind


Let go. Trust. Kick your own butt.

Kristen Lamb's Blog

Image courtesy of Laura Hadden via Flickr Creative Commons. Image courtesy of Laura Hadden via Flickr Creative Commons.

We’ve been working on an Author Acrostic for Victory. V for voluntarily submit. I for identify problem areas and defectsToday we are at C for change your mind. Most of us know where we need to try harder, come up higher. Yet, sometimes the simplest things to do are the hardest.

I lived my 20s like a Mountain Dew commercial. I taught Ju-Jitsu during the week and then camped, hiked, kayaked, and mountain biked on the weekends. I was the only girl on an all-male college Roller Hockey Team. If it was guaranteed to be dangerous and stupid? Sign me UP!

I’d grown up with two parents terrified of making decisions. Terrified to try and fail. In making no decisions they still made a decision. I fell into that same pattern as an adult, but thankfully was able…

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Posted in Uncategorized

About time..


I’ve been newly introduced to this incredible fascinating movie ” About time..”

I’ve always had this thought about time travel..

“What if’ only wander if you can go back in time to live your favorite moments again; not only live them but stop them from going; i would stay in my favorite period of time forever; Why would i risk it & leave it behind to see the future ?! yea the future may be prettier but what if turns out not to be that pretty as what i had before ? then what happen ?!

The same exact thought i have about people who say ” Don’t be afraid to fall in love; you never know it may work ?! again what if it didn’t ?! then what ? are you going to heal the wounds ? are you going to fix it ? the only one who will take the pain is the one who did it risk; yea you might & i say MIGHT get the biscuit but who knows after all ?!

you may get the feeling of insecurity in my words but that’s how i feel about the whole Life thing; you never know if you are going to have what you have now in the next following moment..

yes i love being a risk taker but at the same time i try to avoid the bitterness of loss; losing people, losing things, losing the meaning of your life & last but not least losing hope.

Only imagine..

What if you have the opportunity to re-live your past or lets not get so vague.. what about re-living some moments that you really really want to have again?

Oh dear God, i can only think about how fast can my heart beats go.. i can think of the consequences of such miracle if it has genuinely happened;

The movie has just awaken these kind of dreams inside me; as if someone has just dipped his finger deeply in your wound & never took it back;

am not only grieving about the past; am worried to death about the present; by the tik-toks of a clock my present vanishes & its replaced by the unknown; yes we’ll manage to deal with it; but it will torn another piece of the heart as it goes away;

you know i can’t get out of here with the best advise; because i actually don’t know it; am asking for one;

but the thing is the movie has just stressed on a fact that away from miracles & dreams of time traveling; we still have moments to live; we still have the opportunity to tighten the gap in our intervals & enjoy the moment;

we still have the opportunity to look deeply on the face of people we love; may it s the last time; maybe not but you’ll certainly save your details in your memory; and whenever its needed you’ll just recall it; that’s the best that we can do.. RECALL.

so to do this recall thing perfectly you’ll have to live fully in each and every moment doing what you love with the people you admire the most;

what we need to do is to learn how to appreciate what we have;

Don’t take things for granted;

leave a mark; be there for your people; keep them in as well; build your connection real tight that’s how a life is made; and that’s memories are created;

People & you will live forever not to the last day of your life but your story will be there alive to the last day of the last person you had a connection with;

Recall their memory; let them live;

Be Alive.

I do really want to thank whomever worked on this movie; it says a lot; if was able to describe what i feel about time/ time traveling and this concept the overall idea i wouldn’t have described it better.

it showed me make it clear to my eyes how hard is it to decide; How hard it was when he had to choose between his newly born kid & his father; choosing between the past & the future; when can be the one so sure of anything to take such a decision ? how ? will i ever be able to choose & be so certain & definite about something ? will i ever be able to decide without hesitation & never look back; no regrets but at least imagining what if i went for the alternative ?!

one of the great lessons in the film as well was that whatever power you have; fate will always exist; you will never be able to fix everything by your own; some stuff need to take care of itself; some unfinished business will be done & not fully done by you; yes you may use your power but the universe will interfere in a way or another; just to let things fall into the right place;

And not to forget the sense of devotion declared in the film; you may need to add devotion to your daily routine, sit back & watch the difference in your life,

Again thanks to the filmmakers; brilliant job; i’m definitely watching it over & over again; and i advise you too as well – whoever is reading this – watch the movie 🙂

Posted in Uncategorized

Time will do it all.


It takes time to realize the importance of the Time.

Time heals your broken heart.

Time helps you understand.

Time let you learn.

Time gives you experience.

Time will let you forget.

Time will man you up.

Just wait and leave it to time; it will do it all.

“You can have it all. Just not all at once.”
Oprah Winfrey

 

Posted in Uncategorized

The string.


Push and pull.. the string.

you control the distance;

you control who stays and who don’t;

you pull it backward to permit few to be close..

not close enough to hurt; to see the scars; to reveal the secret.

you lock them away ( or maybe yourself ) in the safe zone.

Nobody can / will cross the line;

And if someone did ! “even if its unintentionally”; you push it strongly forward to the farthest it can be;

You know you need some of them around; You pull it back and when you feel the danger .. the string becomes in its loosest forms.

You know you are building your wall so high that no one can climb it.